SX4- Men Are Back

Long time have past since I have written anything.. So many things have past I was lost among them. the most important among them was I brought my CAR. the first car in my fami.ly. Yes finally I was able to do that. 3 month later when this idea was initially born. I took driving classes. I went almost every weekend to dealers running, took so many dealers call and so many vehicle I tested and finally which vehicle I should buy. Ironically I never mentioned this on my blog. after so much manipulation discussion with many guys people and so many negotiation I was able to book car on 24Th of September which finally delivered on 14Th Oct. during whole process starting from learning my driving skills to all all my queries about leaning ABCs of automobile to the delivery and learning proper driving and getting used to the car, one person support was truly amazing and I thanks Jai for being always there.

I still have still not sank to that moment. but yes it was great excitement and really big moment for my family and for my parent and they were really excited about it unfortunately they could not make it to delivery date and still they have to see it physically. Only they can realize how big was the occasion. I was excited but of more of the tense about handling it may be it will few more days to truly enjoy the vehicle.

Other things that happened was that I have to move to new place and one reason for not writing was i was running here and there to all surrounding locality looking for house with inside car parking. and it was hell lot experience. finally able to get somewhat OK place to shift. it was difficult leaving my old place where I was staying since last 3+ years the reason for shifting was my owner wanted the house and also my room partner was moving out of India for new job. The way Sunil reacted in last one month of his stay was unfortunate and I wished he could had behaved with more maturity and sensibility after all I was staying with him since last 3.5 year an d know him since last 9 years. I wished he could had been more sensible and had a open dialog with me, any way i wish him goodluck for future and success in life.

One year gone by....

This poem i wrote on completion of 1 yrs in my present job...

One year is going soon by
With some moments to remember and some lost

People that has come and gone made me acquainted
With many ways that I found best

The bouquets of memories I have crossed
Each new day in the mood of a challenging high

Every Milestones I crossed now seems
As natural a stone upon hills

As emotions settle in the game mind plays
Few wonderful occasions I thought were gone

Few path ahead were not straight and narrow
but i continue life with promise of tomorrow...

(© Rakesh Kumar)

Rambling thoughts...

I have to say, I was just fine without talking to you watching you at a distance , I had never had walked to you if you had not come to me to say Hello (hell). But you dragged me and I can never understand why. You start, and do not follow through. You spark the fire, and leave me to fan it. But now my turn is long since over. It is yours.

If there were some reason for your less than enthusiastic behaviour, I would like to think that you could be honest with me, but you only deny the feelings which constantly bother me. Which makes it worse. Who knows what drives you ? or what goes on inside your head, because you will not tell me in anyway or you worth consider me, neither do i care to ask you. I almost succeed in refusing to let this bother me. Almost....Maybe your definition of things differs vastly from mine.

For Jai only...

This poem i wrote for my friend Jai with whom i have developed a special bonding in very short amount of time and i promised him to write a poem for him.

Dedicated to Jai... Jai you are really special... and one of gem in my life.

Will you share your wildest dream
Which you even think impossible to realize
When life is broken and your spirit dies
You are standing where reality fades
Surrounded by difficulties you feel invade
When you try to walk but your feet don't move
None of your effort see any improve
You see a day when your past get blurred
The song you loved singing but forget the word
You reached to moments where you lost you sense
Unable to find reason to judge between truth and false..

I will be there in your deepest desire
In the last ray of your dying fire
You will see me standing not even today
But where your dreams fade away....

(C) Rakesh kumar

Me.....

So you believe it is final blow
And i have no escape to defeat..


I agree that i have nothing left in me
But i don't require any courtesy


I have been crushed and pieces are crumbling
Scattered figments of my quantum being


You think my existence is finished
Falling astray in time will vanished


Yes, there is nothing left for imagination
My end is here without further occupation


But you don't know that i have the resolve
For every difficulty courage to solve


Sure, I have been trounced by every indiscretion
But my spirit is still not weaken


Certainly I will reach to my distant abode
Ultimately all of troubles will be swallowed

(© Rakesh Kumar)

Butterfly..

I always try to reach my best
Sometimes i do fail in this quest.
This feeling may soon die in my chest..

I always cry but don't shed tears
Any way I am the only one who cares

I still feel pain which stops my heart beat
The day i stopped our beautiful meet.

I don't complain when you always refused me
You even didn't consider me worth to share a coffee.

You were a butterfly happily going around
But I could sense your inside deep wound

You could easily be my sweetheart
We had none and now we are fated apart

Life is difficult and now looks bleak
Fighting this battle I find myself weak

Now destiny will take it own course
I did best whatever i could do but no remorse


(© Rakesh Kumar)

Life as a single.....

"Where is your family" asked my HR lady as I was standing at lift door to get down from 6th floor.

It was an office family day party and I was at lift door waiting to get down to ground floor.
I felt embarrassed and I simply replied "I am still a bachelor."
She looked at me surprise with expression that some one had refused joining offer one day before joining date. It was obvious as 2 month back I was interacting with her regularly and she was aware that I have 8 yrs of industry experience and still a bachelor.
She said “Meet my daughter" pointing to a cute kid standing with her. I extended my hand to kid and said "Hi". Still lift had not come to 6th floor and thing was getting difficult to me.
"Get married soon" said HR.
"Yes, I am also thinking that time has come" I replied.
Finally lift arrived and ended my torture, I decided to take stairs.

I am 29 years old (still) a bachelor. Life in a strange city especially for a bachelor not living with parent is tough especially for male. Not many people will realize this.

"When are you going get married"? This question I started getting slowly and now more often around 6 years back from all walks of my life friends, colleagues. relatives etc.

4 years back I was staying in a society Apartments in Gurgaon with my friend who was working in Hero Honda. Most of people in neighborhood apartments were either couples or staying with their families.

Before I continue let me explain that I belong to normal middle class family and my parent instill decent Indian family values to me. Whenever we used to seat in society park people used to look us strangely like we are some kind of thief specially those who were with their wives. I think they were either too insecure or did not have trust on their wives. I was not there to steal their wives neither did I was interested in a married women. One day while I was walking there one couple was sitting in car with light switch on when we passed beside car his wife took a glance on us and we too looked at her. Seeing this husband switched off car light. I felt really insulted obviously he had a bad perception about our character.

In my previous company I came to know when I joined there that the person who had interviewed me had told to his team mates that he had interviewed a person with few kids. I don’t why he had such perception. I am slim, fit and healthy. He must have derived his conclusion from my years of professional experience.

As bachelor I have to face and struggle different sorts of problem at different walks of life.
"Sir, these people are bachelor." told my house agent to owner of the house. I was searching a house in Bangalore and after 2 weeks of running I found one good.
"I don’t want to rent it to bachelor" said house owner bluntly.

I insisted and asked "Why sir", we are decent guys working in reputed company and don’t have any bad habit even I don't drink. But he refused. We had settled for some other house.

"Rakesh, when are you going to get married.” asked my product manager one morning in office when I passed by him.
"I don’t know yet" I replied.
He advised me to get married soon else I would lose interest and it would be difficult for me to adjust.

It was not a first time my bachelor status was questioned. Many project meetings have been centered on my bachelor discussion only. I really wondered is being bachelor or single, crime or people cant see others being single or happy.

Whenever my all married friends meet their wife would say "Rakesh, get married soon", When will you get married." all sorts of enquiries. Also they have stopped calling me to their gathering and I too feel uncomfortable as every one will come with their wife and what will do in that gathering alone. Also the character assassination u will realize only when all your friends’ wife will call you Bhiya.

It seems that my friends don’t trust my character at all.

Because of these social embarrassments I stopped visiting to married friends or any social gathering where couples are invited. Even in office my colleagues complain that I staying in office not because of my passion dedication or responsibilities of my work but because of I am a bachelor and I don’t want to go at room or don’t have any place to go. What is hell should I say to these morons.

Is being bachelor is crime? I think in Indian society there is no place for single or bachelor. An unmarried person is always discriminated here and there. As a bachelor u will always be overloaded with work in office people will talk behind you giving various reasons about not getting you married. You feel isolated in social gathering. There is no place for singles in Indian society.

One obvious discrimination is that there is channel for kids, there is channel of old there is channel for couples but there is no channel for adult’s bachelor and I still keeps on browsing channel without purpose looking for the adult program.

"I want you to get married in next 3-4 month" told my father when I was at home during Holy vacation.
"But it’s too early and I am not financially equipped to bear the burden and cost at this stage". I don’t know anything.” said my father.
Meanwhile my mother came with some girls proposals. I felt shy and uncomfortable looking at them.
"What about this one" asked my mother?
I expressed some concern. But they did not listened or tried to understand.
The plot was ready for big parliament debate which was scheduled in the evening when my uncle also joined us as speaker.

"What is problem with this profile" asked my father.
"No problem, these are only my area of concern. Please look in to this. You people go ahead with it get them clarify. Once you are OK I will talk with her and let you know." I said.
"Let me know what question you will ask" asked my father. I kept silent.

Now I even don’t what I am going to ask and what I am looking in a person I am not buying a product that I am aware about features but I should be know and understand other persons concern. Now a day girls have more concern and marriage is anything but commitment.

"You don’t understand what kind person you should marry, do what we say and get married." this was a bouncer from my uncle.

My uncle is understanding type and I am more open in discussion with him than my father. I have spent lot of time discussion and playing various things with him.
He continued, "You only know office work and lacks understand in other front of life. You got your mind poisoned working in that environment. This generation is spoiled" he added.
I said nothing.

"If you have any one in your life lets us know or any one you are interested in" my mother intervened.
"I don’t go office for romancing. I go for work." I replied politely.
"Go and meet these offers once your Ok I will move ahead" I added just to finish this debate also because discussion was getting heated and I started raising my voice which I was feeling bad. Frankly speaking I did not like any one out of this photograph as I have already glanced them when my uncle was looking at them.

“I know this girl and you can't refuse if you’re going to meet her." said my brother.

He was pointing to one snap he had already met that girl in Allahabad and that was distant relative of my Mama Ji. Why can’t I say no if something I find difficult to accept or she has any issue. It was out of my understanding and all logic failed against this statement. Also my father was insisting as he was finding it difficult to refuse this proposal as it came from my Mama Ji side. What they did not understand that I have just put concern and they all were discussing it without getting it clarified with concern parties. Also in this matter I am bit traditional type and don’t want disappoint people who are around me. I want them to carry this task giving weightage to my criteria.

"Why don’t you find a girl in Bangalore and let us know. Or search by yourself. I can’t go out looking girl for you. I am answerable to society. I can’t refuse so many people coming to this house. Choose any one out of these." declared my father.

One session of parliament was over after 4 hours of discussion. And coalition between left and congress was about to break over this nuclear deal issue I was finding it difficult to handle.

Few months passed and discussion continued over phone mainly... my parent and my uncle were visiting Bangalore.

"This house is big but we need some one to stay here. It looks empty" said my aunty as soon as she entered in house.

They came after 38 hours of train journey. Obviously she was referring to my bachelor status and wanted me to get married soon. I just smiled.
So the team that is looking a girl for me consists 4 main members. My uncle aunty and my parent. My uncle being leader of the team. Besides that there is other side member and I understand that they know more than me about what kind of girl should I marry.
"You go and meet this girl with your mother and aunty. She is in Bangalore and we will fix and appointment tomorrow." ordered my father one night after dinner.

My father was telling about a profile which already sent to me before they came here and I didn't like that at all. I have already conveyed that to my family member even though they were still insisting. I was wondering what was purpose of sending me photograph when my opinion was not be considered.
I refused to go. Obliviously it was more than a deadlock situation between left and congress which I understood was not abt principles but abt not understanding needs of each other and showing flexibility to understand each other.

Finally I agreed to go.

My mother and aunty came disappointed next day.

"Aunty, Get Rakesh married" said my friend wife whom I have invited to lunch at my room... its understandable that once some once get married he want
every one else also to get married soon. Why should only few people get punishment?

"So what’s update in your life" asked my friend wife she out of station for 3 weeks, came back 2 days back.
I said "Nothing its same as usual story”.
It was obvious that she was referring to my single status whether I have made any progress in my search of girl or not.

The search is still on and I see a new mail in mailbox with subject "Photo and profile" from my bother. I expect one more debate this evening over phone.

Imagination

This poem I wrote for some one i have not met or seen.......

I guess I have a friend not so far
Not in dreams and not in reality
Although she exist but only in my imagination

With her some time I forget future and past
Forever and ever will this happiness last?
I wonder how long this good time will last
Before we realize one of us would be gone

Place is not far way and only for sometime
If we meet, will it be such a crime..
Wish she would known that in times to come
That she took very long to see sun

What could I do to erase the distance
Should I try harder with persistence.

No purpose for her trying hard to hold
As she has one life to enjoy
Wish she open herself
To thing life offer and be bold.

Time will go and people will go
Then we realize value of thing so.

Come on!! Don’t feel stopped by ego.
So that few years after past will not echo..
May be we will move on in years to come
But we won't be upset for things not done.

(Copyrights Rakesh Kumar)

Search Of Truth..

In search of truth I have come very far ..
I have discovered so many
So many truths I discovered


Few old, few new
Few black, few white...
Few mine, few others
Few virtual, few real
Few hidden, few obvious whom every body ignored

Few were stranger and few ruled my heart.
Few confused and few clear
Few written and few spoken
Few cold and few hot.
Few were reason and few were excuses.

Few tempted me, few excited me
Few loved me, few hated me
Few scared me, few doubted me
Few build me, few broke me

In search of truth I have come very far
I have discovered so many
So many truths I discovered

Few laying everywhere and few standing tall
Few low and few high that difficult to reach
Few as bright to make you blind
Few dark that could not be watched
Few were clean and few were dirty

All were truth, few told and few untold.....

In search of truth I have come very far
I discovered so many
So many truths I discovered....

But you were like a distant star..
Like an asteroid so far away in space
Like a rose fragrance, like a flowing river
Like an early morning dew, like hard as rock
Like a burning candle fighting with wind..

You were not a creation of God
You were born in my tears melting day by day
You grown in my blood, flown in my veins
You lived in my every imagination
You were in my every experience,
You lived in every moment I lived
You were part of my last rites
You burnt with me in my funeral pyre....

And I found you again in the ashes left behind

In search of truth I have come very far
I discovered so many
So many truths I discovered..

But I found only one...

Emotion vs Logic = Generation gap

Recently my parent visited my place after long time first time in 8 yrs. and this was first in those many years. I was able to spend so much time with them otherwise it was just hello, Hi on phone. During the course of their stay there was some heated discussion and different of opinion with me came. I never had such kind of discussion before that. Earlier I used to express my feeling but I never forced them to follow that and mostly it was ignored I didn't cared as it did not effected much to me. During the discussion I realized few things that our difference in argument was not because of my different way of thinking or bcoz of generation gap what people call now a days it difference of emotional and logical thinking. E.g. if my father says that choose occupation for your career he evaluates things based on his experience and facts. e.g. if he says stays near to your home town he means its easy to travel and even in 1-2 days leave I can go home or look for stability and money where I don’t need to work much, if he says to marry a particular goal he means this girls is best suited to my family he is well be caring and good in nature and belong to a good family and she will make a good pair and beautiful of course. All this conclusion is based on practical and logical facts considering the environment we are living. During all these analysis one important things is missing and ignored is that matter of my heart, my own emotions and feeling. Suppose I choose a company or job most of time my concern is about my interest if its able to meet my goal and about my dreams the things I want to do it has nothing to do with being close to home, money or work load or stability job etc. e.g. when I want to marry a particular girl it has nothing to do with his family background or social status or how much she cares or look or is she adjusting to my family or not, it has to do with a person for whom I feel, I want to spent time and for a person who understand my emotions and feelings. You don’t feel for every person in life always. Important things in life to understand your emotions and feeling which only a person himself can understand not any one else. That’s a reason that when ever I take some major decision I discuss with others to see other side of wall but I decides sitting alone understanding my own feelings. I don’t expect others to understand the way feel neither do I want them to blame if any thing goes wrong in future. The difference between youth and old will remain as long the difference between emotion and logical thinking remains. It’s different between heart and mind. Young one most of time follow theirs heart. While old one respect their experience and want to go by them. It’s very difficult to bridge this gap.....

Few hours back...

This poem I wrote bcoz of experience i had few hours back...
and its incomplete and not in final shape..
It was a beautiful Sunday evening
Just got down from an auto ride
Standing on road side, I saw a familiar smile...

I saw her coming down on my side, almost cried
It was a dream of my wildest imagination
The feeling which could never be described...

Distance was small and she crossed in moment
Before I could realize she passed by my side
Could not stop her, my actions were absent...

So close that I could sense her breathing
Just coincident or destiny ways of explaining
Close enough that I could touch her shoulder
I wished those moments to get more bigger...

I was not expecting her to see again
She always feels to me like a old friend
Now I see her walking away farther
Standing, suffering with pain of my heart's blister...

I can not handle any more this stand
Her silence is burning me all
Why she will not ever held my hand
I have been waiting since so long...

Weakest as ever no more any stronger
Life will be difficult without her smile and laughter...

Fugac

This poem I wrote when i was trying to collect my memory figments for past few weeks on a Sunday morning. Its just a seq. of events I have put in few lines...


Floating in the figments of my imagination
i was fighting a battle to become champion


I was in the deserts where i saw a distant rose blossomed
i thought it as ray of hope in the stormed that loomed

My lonely journey to goal was distracted
She smiled at me and my heart reacted


I found a rose which used make day shine
I seeded a plant to see its yield


it started in the month of Jan
i tried my best what ever i can


I went to her as a human, like some one other
it was not in my intention to treat her as lover


i opened my self and never tried to pretend
i found heart racing and nerve bends


i talked little more but voice was soft
I wondered, was it a beginning of a new draft..


I ignored facts, didn't consider
Fake smile can be such a blunder


My way of life was astray
I was wandering looking for a ray


i was not having courage to be bold
but my feeling was not meant to be sold.


smile on her lips and disdain in her eyes
i was not meant to be treated in disguise


Now how can i run from myself i wonder
although i went through many rain and thunder


i was searching what this feeling stored for me?
she never tried to look and see..


Keep on looking world through troubled eye
She treated me like dirt but i won't cry


Perhaps she will get lost in the sea of faces
A journey left incomplete in life's hazes


Now my life seems different, brighter and whole
No purpose in slipping sand trying hard to hold


Its not my habit ask question why?
She will fade way from memory before she realize....

Smoke.....

I wrote these lines one evening trying to sort out some mental puzzles looking back in time to find some answers....


I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..

She never spoke but i saw through her eyes that glow
Her face was bright, shining like a distant star
Her smile was something for which I could run faster than car
She rule my soul and heart since centuries ago
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..


I never thought that i will loose my self
She rules my mind days and nights
I lost every battle with out any fight
I wished to lose surrounding crowd
So that i can tell her my feeling clear and loud
Her words are like deep inside me like echo
I still luv her, she may also be, how will i know..


Now we don't talk any more, I pass by her down my head
There are words unspoken when will be they said
I don't look at her, when i do her eyes follow
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..


How long it will go one day it will rain
I hope destiny will come to explain
I have lost her, my desire is just rainbow
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..

Choices we make.....

Life gives you many choices. The choice to choose out of good bad whatever things we choose. Whenever i decided to take a step i always took them as my own and whatsoever was the outcome I never blame any one for that. I did never regret ever for any step I took, Even today when I look back and analyzed the things I always feel the that those steps were appropriate considering the situation and surrounding and maturity I had during that time they had also helped me to grow as a person.. Some time I feel that I took step too far and it’s really difficult for me to retreat. Also it’s very difficult not impossible for me forgive I don’t know when I will learn this things... forgiving and forgetting are really two big problem for me. I don’t know about any one other things.

Currently I see lot of problem with me... I am becoming more restless more impatience but keeping patience does not mean that I should be passive to the things...My habit of remaining attached to the past is also very bad. I am unable to move on. I am not sure what may be the reason... May there is nothing to feel that gap... that why I am still living in the past. I am also started to realizing the fact doing too much analysis is also not giving me right answer and its proving dead end now. If realize the real language of meaning is the heart not head then why should not follow my heart but is not becoming blind and ignoring the facts which only a fool would like to do.. I also realize that I have set some high of standard fro my self may be or my expectation from other is too much.... of there is big gap between what I expect and what I am getting through any source... its also seems to be major source of my problem. It’s getting difficult for me to holding my goal and becoming compassionate Its has been more that around one month but I am still not been able to avoid this feeling of discomfort isn’t a long time I hope that fortunately this would not be a permanent situation This is just a passing phase which will help me to reclaim a calmer state of mind in the weeks ahead. I am also realizing this fact no body has been or I don’t expect any one in future who had or would traveled along my personal path I think this road is for my steps alone, so I can't expect anyone else to pave the way. But also because I am inventing my reality as I go along, it doesn't mean I can fall asleep at the wheel. I should try Pay extra careful attention to what's in front of me so I don't miss something significant. But old habit die hard and I keep on missing things on my way..... There are two things trusting your feeling and acting upon them and if I am uncertain I need to carefully considered alternatives... but this is very scary situation...

A poem for a girl...

This poem i wrote for someone(a colleague) few days back. I wrote it because i felt good about her...

I used to be on one side of cubicle..
she on the other side, hearing her chuckle......

Distance was short and only few inches
But to cover them i felt many hitches

As I sit on my chair
Listen her voice occasionally
There was no such place elsewhere

Some time I get up to glance her bright face
Will I get a chance to say hello in any case

Days were passing I got lucky then
Went to dance class and met her again

I was so uncomfortable and unsure
Unable to match her step on dance floor

Day passed by watching her smile
I also got courage to stand by her cubicle side.

I am sure she got that smile
For which I can run few extra mile.

Many days passed and I have nothing more to add
Besides those morning hello to make me glad...

One day she was asking meaning of the scrap
If I had courage why to behaved like crap

I never felt for anyone like this before
Will she understand how much adore

I have a feeling I don't know how to describe
I bring them here in these lines never before scribed

Now I walk to her cubicle to say few words
I want to add more but feel awkward

Sometimes I feel what she thinks of me
Should I invite her and discuss it on coffee

She is also not a fool, though its easy to pretend
Why it feel to me like an old friend

Sometime I wish to say how I feel loud
Wish I lose this surrounding crowd

Today I noticed a strange feeling in evening
The usual smile on her face missing

I know she has gone through many pains
I want her to be without any strains

She has a right not to like me
Or if she want, can slaze me like an Aussie

My feeling are are my own I love them like anything
I don't mind if they can come down crumbling

But I want to let her know
So that tomorrow I don't feel stopped by ego.

So that few years from now I won't have any regret
May be I will move on in years to come but not be upset.


(Copyrights(c) Rakesh Kumar)

I, A computer programme

I as a human is behaving like a computer programme. I don't know whether its in my genome or something written about me. why cant i learn about my past things. at least this is true in certain aspect of my life or activities. May be i as a human programmed to behave for those things in certain ways and its difficult for me change the output in those situation. The whole science about human genome and DNA is certainly true. our activities and behavior is programme to produce a well defined output as defined by our DNA. I started feeling that what is different between me and computer programme whose output is already defined. If my behaviour and activity is already defined am i not computer programme. I tried hard to change certain things in my life but i failed to do so. although i changed and improved so many things in life in journey so far. but why in certain things i failed to do so. what is wrong with that. its not that i lack courage to do so. But when I fall in those situation I produce the same output again and again. When I will learn change these well defined output god knows only.

Cognition....

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

.....But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.

(...)

My uncle told me about this famous stuff of Balia district

Rambagh ka aam Surha Taal ki Machli
Aur Pakdti ter ki Baithki Chudawala Ho Bhagwaan...

The story goes like this.....
There was famous orchard named RAMBAGH known for mangos. Surha taal (A Big lake) was famous for its fishes and Pakdi (a old banyan tree) where people used to sit and gossip sleep and relax, was taken by God from singer. The narrator used to praise and sing those lines when he was in prison during british raj. When jailer came to know about these lines he told this prisoner that if they were so famous take me to these places as he wanted to see them. The prisoner took him and gave mangoes from Rambagh orchard and fishes to eat from Surha taal lake. when fish being cooked jailer was relaxing under (Pakdi) this very old banyan tree. He felt so relaxed that he slept there. When he wake up he freed prisoner by giving some money.

A Poem...

Few years back read a book Enlightment: Only revolution by OSHO.
I found one poem that was interesting i was impressed by innocencent desire expressed in it.
I want to live one life more
so that in it i might meet companion
who knows how to give love
who rises in morning smiling at me
who looks at me diving deep into my heart and soul.
Who, in the afternoons, in the midst of her various chores,
feel sad about me
who passes her day in waiting.
who, in the evening gives such welcome,
who releases me from all desires and longings,
releases me from the cares of birth and death
who bring me to timelessness.
I yearn for such companion,
who adds the color of pearls of her warm tears
to my suffering.
won't be upset when journey is difficult
won't wrinkle her brow.
perhaps in next life i will find such companion
who knows how to give love.
for this , i want to live one more life.
Desires have no end. Need are very few, desires have no limit. Man goes on living with the support of these hope and desirtes.

I can't help it.....

Not sure why I am having this strange feeling again. After the bitter experience I thought that i would never be emotionally involve with any one, anything or never ever will allow this to happen or have such kind of feeling for any one, but perhaps i am getting wrong or unable to hold myself enough in this case. May be I am experiencing the same kind of feeling again. The same kind of excitemnt and joy is coming back to me again. The kind of instant connection, the feel to talk, the joy of seeing smile on the face is coming back to again. I know its too early to talk about it but i can't ignore this feeling. Keep visiting to get more update on it.

Swivet....

It has been some time since when i written anything. Not busy exactly but i could not collect enough thoughts to put them here. Things went passed as usual here and there in bits and pieces. started few new things and as usual trying to put them in order. Recently i started an exercise to find out important passions in my life, things that matter most to me. i have collect few of them but i am unable to prioritize most important out of them.

Every where marriage question is being popped up to me again and again to me. I am also trying to find answer to this question. Don' t have any answer, criteria or exact parameter at this point of time and i don't expect it to get it in near future, may be i am little too confused or may be i don't want to answer this question at all.

Recently i rediscovered passion and interest for doing few stuffs in life. which is very important for every one and one should be doing things only what they are most passionate about. We should live a passionate life always.

When the right time comes: its not the about me or some else its about almost everyone. Everyone is waiting for right moment to come. They are consulting astrology, going to the palmist... inquiring in different ways what is going to happen tomorrow. I don't think 'Tomorrow' ever happens. It never has happened. It is simply a stupid strategy of postponement. What happens is always today.