Emotion vs Logic = Generation gap

Recently my parent visited my place after long time first time in 8 yrs. and this was first in those many years. I was able to spend so much time with them otherwise it was just hello, Hi on phone. During the course of their stay there was some heated discussion and different of opinion with me came. I never had such kind of discussion before that. Earlier I used to express my feeling but I never forced them to follow that and mostly it was ignored I didn't cared as it did not effected much to me. During the discussion I realized few things that our difference in argument was not because of my different way of thinking or bcoz of generation gap what people call now a days it difference of emotional and logical thinking. E.g. if my father says that choose occupation for your career he evaluates things based on his experience and facts. e.g. if he says stays near to your home town he means its easy to travel and even in 1-2 days leave I can go home or look for stability and money where I don’t need to work much, if he says to marry a particular goal he means this girls is best suited to my family he is well be caring and good in nature and belong to a good family and she will make a good pair and beautiful of course. All this conclusion is based on practical and logical facts considering the environment we are living. During all these analysis one important things is missing and ignored is that matter of my heart, my own emotions and feeling. Suppose I choose a company or job most of time my concern is about my interest if its able to meet my goal and about my dreams the things I want to do it has nothing to do with being close to home, money or work load or stability job etc. e.g. when I want to marry a particular girl it has nothing to do with his family background or social status or how much she cares or look or is she adjusting to my family or not, it has to do with a person for whom I feel, I want to spent time and for a person who understand my emotions and feelings. You don’t feel for every person in life always. Important things in life to understand your emotions and feeling which only a person himself can understand not any one else. That’s a reason that when ever I take some major decision I discuss with others to see other side of wall but I decides sitting alone understanding my own feelings. I don’t expect others to understand the way feel neither do I want them to blame if any thing goes wrong in future. The difference between youth and old will remain as long the difference between emotion and logical thinking remains. It’s different between heart and mind. Young one most of time follow theirs heart. While old one respect their experience and want to go by them. It’s very difficult to bridge this gap.....

Few hours back...

This poem I wrote bcoz of experience i had few hours back...
and its incomplete and not in final shape..
It was a beautiful Sunday evening
Just got down from an auto ride
Standing on road side, I saw a familiar smile...

I saw her coming down on my side, almost cried
It was a dream of my wildest imagination
The feeling which could never be described...

Distance was small and she crossed in moment
Before I could realize she passed by my side
Could not stop her, my actions were absent...

So close that I could sense her breathing
Just coincident or destiny ways of explaining
Close enough that I could touch her shoulder
I wished those moments to get more bigger...

I was not expecting her to see again
She always feels to me like a old friend
Now I see her walking away farther
Standing, suffering with pain of my heart's blister...

I can not handle any more this stand
Her silence is burning me all
Why she will not ever held my hand
I have been waiting since so long...

Weakest as ever no more any stronger
Life will be difficult without her smile and laughter...

Fugac

This poem I wrote when i was trying to collect my memory figments for past few weeks on a Sunday morning. Its just a seq. of events I have put in few lines...


Floating in the figments of my imagination
i was fighting a battle to become champion


I was in the deserts where i saw a distant rose blossomed
i thought it as ray of hope in the stormed that loomed

My lonely journey to goal was distracted
She smiled at me and my heart reacted


I found a rose which used make day shine
I seeded a plant to see its yield


it started in the month of Jan
i tried my best what ever i can


I went to her as a human, like some one other
it was not in my intention to treat her as lover


i opened my self and never tried to pretend
i found heart racing and nerve bends


i talked little more but voice was soft
I wondered, was it a beginning of a new draft..


I ignored facts, didn't consider
Fake smile can be such a blunder


My way of life was astray
I was wandering looking for a ray


i was not having courage to be bold
but my feeling was not meant to be sold.


smile on her lips and disdain in her eyes
i was not meant to be treated in disguise


Now how can i run from myself i wonder
although i went through many rain and thunder


i was searching what this feeling stored for me?
she never tried to look and see..


Keep on looking world through troubled eye
She treated me like dirt but i won't cry


Perhaps she will get lost in the sea of faces
A journey left incomplete in life's hazes


Now my life seems different, brighter and whole
No purpose in slipping sand trying hard to hold


Its not my habit ask question why?
She will fade way from memory before she realize....

Smoke.....

I wrote these lines one evening trying to sort out some mental puzzles looking back in time to find some answers....


I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..

She never spoke but i saw through her eyes that glow
Her face was bright, shining like a distant star
Her smile was something for which I could run faster than car
She rule my soul and heart since centuries ago
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..


I never thought that i will loose my self
She rules my mind days and nights
I lost every battle with out any fight
I wished to lose surrounding crowd
So that i can tell her my feeling clear and loud
Her words are like deep inside me like echo
I still luv her, she may also be, how will i know..


Now we don't talk any more, I pass by her down my head
There are words unspoken when will be they said
I don't look at her, when i do her eyes follow
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..


How long it will go one day it will rain
I hope destiny will come to explain
I have lost her, my desire is just rainbow
I still luv her, she may also be, how will I know..

Choices we make.....

Life gives you many choices. The choice to choose out of good bad whatever things we choose. Whenever i decided to take a step i always took them as my own and whatsoever was the outcome I never blame any one for that. I did never regret ever for any step I took, Even today when I look back and analyzed the things I always feel the that those steps were appropriate considering the situation and surrounding and maturity I had during that time they had also helped me to grow as a person.. Some time I feel that I took step too far and it’s really difficult for me to retreat. Also it’s very difficult not impossible for me forgive I don’t know when I will learn this things... forgiving and forgetting are really two big problem for me. I don’t know about any one other things.

Currently I see lot of problem with me... I am becoming more restless more impatience but keeping patience does not mean that I should be passive to the things...My habit of remaining attached to the past is also very bad. I am unable to move on. I am not sure what may be the reason... May there is nothing to feel that gap... that why I am still living in the past. I am also started to realizing the fact doing too much analysis is also not giving me right answer and its proving dead end now. If realize the real language of meaning is the heart not head then why should not follow my heart but is not becoming blind and ignoring the facts which only a fool would like to do.. I also realize that I have set some high of standard fro my self may be or my expectation from other is too much.... of there is big gap between what I expect and what I am getting through any source... its also seems to be major source of my problem. It’s getting difficult for me to holding my goal and becoming compassionate Its has been more that around one month but I am still not been able to avoid this feeling of discomfort isn’t a long time I hope that fortunately this would not be a permanent situation This is just a passing phase which will help me to reclaim a calmer state of mind in the weeks ahead. I am also realizing this fact no body has been or I don’t expect any one in future who had or would traveled along my personal path I think this road is for my steps alone, so I can't expect anyone else to pave the way. But also because I am inventing my reality as I go along, it doesn't mean I can fall asleep at the wheel. I should try Pay extra careful attention to what's in front of me so I don't miss something significant. But old habit die hard and I keep on missing things on my way..... There are two things trusting your feeling and acting upon them and if I am uncertain I need to carefully considered alternatives... but this is very scary situation...