Illation

Either there is nothing to write or I am unable to find any thing to write. Well lots of things have been passed but I don't know why I am unable to do so.
Unable to put it here. Few days back I started discovering myself. Last few month have been self discovering journey which has helped me to recognize myself and my feeling what basically I am what I want to do. The most important thing in life is to know what your doing and what and why your want to do.

Change.......

Every body passes through changes in his life. Some times we choose these changes and and some time these changes choosed us. Whoever chooses passing through change is not easy at all. Whatever kind it consists of. We change places, jobs, relationships. But question remains whether changing these external peripherals really changes us internally. What is purpose of these changes if transformation does not take place. In every change if do not goes through process of transformation interlace we will suffer in this process. Changes should be synch with our internal transformation then we will grow in process of these changes.

Lots of things happened during past 2-3 month I don't know whether they are really putting worth here. There are sense of disappointment, anxiety, excitement, hope, fear that have been originated through these actions. As with the passing time I am becoming less reactive to these felling. Some people may say that its good and you are maturing but internally I am loosing my energy in a way as I feel sometime.

Now a days I have little things to think about in my life. How much time I can think about myself. If I don't have any other thing in my life to think about. Most of time in life we think about other things/person in life and very little about ourselves its very much true(95% others 5% ourselves. If you don't believe check it.).

Most time people are suffering because of various reasons. We should always evaluate the things we holding in our lives whether they are worth holding. The cost associated with them. It may be anything relationship,friends, place, things, job.
We should keeping asking are they worth holding in ourlives?. Most of time we will get a negative ans.

Most of the time in in social relationships I have been uncomfortable. Hardest things in life is to deal with fear. Its nothing but expecting something to happen.
3 greatest fear man kind is facing is fear of death, fear of getting mad, fear loosing love ones. I believe root of all problems of person lies in his fear. Lets eradicate fear all problem will get solved automatically.

What is greatest paradox of life. You say yes when you want to say no and vice versa. I know many people say no when they want to say yes and vice versa. Its not about yes or no it distance and difference between heart and head and this is the toughest journey which you will ever takein life.

Potvaliant

It has been long time since I written anything. Well one month is not a long period to consider. Its not about passing no of days but situation u face in life defines whether a period is long or short. Few days back I read a few pages from "My experience with truth". Most of the time in life we have to deal our own insecurities and fear they are not originated from any external source rather than they originate from your inside. The greatest fear you face in life is originated from our own inside and it does not comes from any external sources. We are always fighting to deal with that. Some time are able to control them and some times they control us.

Some time back a word strike to me "perverseness" the meaning of this word is to willfully and with determination go for what is desired. I don't know how its is different and how its is true. There are really two type of tragedy we face in life one is to follow our heart and other is not to follow our heart. Its better to follow any one out of these and I am sure the experience we face will mature us but don't be in between of these two.

Now a days every one is facing a different kind of burden. Its not a physical weight on some one shoulder but emotional burden, The burden of fulfilling others expectation, and I see it a major reason behind all the problem of man. It destroys a human in two ways if a person fails in this it hurts his self esteem fills bitterness and if the person succeeded its boost his egos both are dangerous situation. This reason why love is disappearing and hate is prevailing. Because love comes with freedom but person is captive with these so many expectation and he is unable to live a usual live, his whole positive energy converts in negative one which comes out inform of hate and anger.

Not much have change in life besides passing few month and wasting few days... Wasting time is important part of life. What is there to do in so many years to come besides fulfilling others expectation e.g social commitments and expectation. What is there to live in life if its not our own.........

Few days back I happens to see my old mails(4-5 years back).. I went through some reading. I read among those few close to my heart I had written during that period. I was shocked....How my feeling my beliefs and my thinking has changed in last 4 years. The feeling I had while writing those mails, were different and when I read them today its seems to be childish, foolish or sweet. I don't know what words describes them. Today I am in more light or in more darkness I don't know. I realized that beauty about first love is that u think things will go like this forever. And these feeling would continue forever... You grow in life but u will never have that feeling again for anything else. U will not feel like this again in your life. May be u have learned by mistake but no way u can compare 1st to 2nd.

Some times I feel that I am always attracted to crisis. I need something to bang my head. For me its better to feel pain rather not having any felling at all. I feel my self most alive and most myself in these life and death situations. People may think this is a self destructive urge in side me but its basically my way of being passionately and intensely involve in things. I love running fast....

When dream dies...

Its not so easy. Losing anything in life has never been easy for me in any way. It can be anything physical, virtual anything or even your thoughts but worst of them all is losing your dreams. It may be that u have not achieved them neither you have ever tried them to achieve but yes there was a flame burning inside your heart over a period of time. I never wanted in my life journey to those dreams short and easy. because I am afraid to reach there to realize them at then end. I always and thoroughly enjoyed those journey there were ups and down yes there were some tough time but I accepted them . I have satisfaction of taking those difficult time and challenges during those journey. I have won so many battles during those journey without any regrets. But when u finishes your journey either you may be victorious or u may not be. But what's is there to do once u finished that journey. Toughest of them all is not getting what u desired when u took those journey and then this is the time when u realized that your dream is finished, your dream is dead and that burning flame is missing inside you. You are just like a physical body without soul. Before u started journey there was a hope, hope about your dream that yes one day u will realize that it does not matter how long and difficult journey u would take. But what is there with u after u have taken that journey. May be the experience of that journey will help u in getting mature in different way but does it really matter when that dream is over. The feeling of emptiness, the feeling of closed doors that u r seeing before u is not a easy to accept. Only the person who took that journey can experience.

Few days back I went through few lines as follows...

Experience life in all possible ways good-bad,
bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter.
Experience all the dualities.
Don't be afraid of experience,
because the more experience you have,
the more mature you become.

yes, I am maturing.....

A Story about love...

Once upon a time there was a bird, She was gifted with perfect wings with glossy look and beautiful, colors. He was creature made to fly freely in sky and bringing joy to everyone who saw her. One day a person saw him and fell in love with her, He saw her flight and his mouth open in amazement, his heart pounding, his eyes were shining with excitement. He invited bird to fly with him and two travelled across sky in perfect harmony. He admired and celebrated that beautiful bird.
But then he thought the bird might want to visit far off mountains and he was afraid the he would never feel same about any other bird and he felt envy, envy for bird ability to fly and he felt alone. So he thought: 'i am going to set a trap. The next time bird appear she will never leave again'.
The bird who was also in love with that person returned next day fell into trap and was put into a cage. He looked at the bird everyday. There she was his object of desire and passion. He showed her to his friends who said now u have everything you could possibly want.
However a strange transformation began to take place. Now that he had bird and no longer needed to woo her he began to lose interest in her. The bird unable to fly and express the true meaning of life began to waste away her look and started looking ugly and the person no longer paid any attention to her except feeding and cleaning cage. One day the Bird died and person felt terribly bad all his time thinking abt her. But he did not remember the cage he only thought of first day when he saw her flying freely in clouds...
Without bird his life lost meaning and death came knocking at the door he asked death "Why have u come". Death replied " If u have allowed her to come and go u would have even loved and admired her more and u need not me to find her again."

Thus story comes to an end....
Now if person had looked more deeply into himself he would have realized that what had thrilled him abt the bird was her freedom and energy of her wings in motion not her physical body.

Every body knows how to love. Because we all born with that gift. some people have natural talent for it. But majority of us have to learn. Need to burn on bonfire of past emotions. To relieve certain joy and grief, certain ups and down. until they find connecting thread behind each encounter.

All my life i thought( so does most of people around us) love as some kind of enslavement( Even though u don't think your action will speak in that way). Well that is lie, freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives her self or himself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most whole heartedly and person who loves whole heartedly feels free. True experience of freedom is having the most important things in the world without owning it.

Only one, Mind or Heart

Doubting Mind, Trusting Heart...

The above title says it all. I have chosen it bcoz i am really pissed off having both with me. They have fragmented me in a way that has filled bitterness inside me. If i look back and see what i have gained till now by means of any one of these too, either mind or heart other has destroyed it. Things i gained using mind could not be used bcoz my heart refused to accept it, and things i gained using heart was unacceptable to mind. May be it seems foolish but i am not in a position to accept both of them together. Its really very hard to live with them together. Things which is acceptable to mind is unacceptable to heart. They cant agree on any subject or anything together in my life and i believe its true for others as well as if they truly listen to them( i am not saying that i always listen to them but i try to listen them whenever i take major decision in my life. The true nature of mind is to doubt while heart is completely opposite of that always trusting without any logic. all the great things have been done by people who have trusted their heart not mind. but mind is equally important too , Most of time u will not have any problem its bcoz u r not listening to them they are operating independently but some time u will find in situation where u will try to listen them together that is point where life becomes hell. Frankly speaking i really don't want both exist with my body. give me only one and i am really very comfortable and success full living with any one of them. what is need of these two bullshit stuff living in a single body if they cant not agree on any think. these two are independent entity and should operate alone freely, both are equally important and powerful.

The Risk

Every day in life we should take risk. if i say we should take a risk a day then its not wrong. We will only understand life when we allow unexpected to happen. Every day in life we get the moment to change the things that makes us unhappy. But most of the time we try to neglect those moment, most of the time closing our eyes towards them. Expecting today to be same as yesterday and will be same as tomorrow. but once we start paying attention we will discover these moment. These moment may come anytime and may pass quietly these moment may seem same to us but they have power to change our lives. can we identifies them if not then may be we recognise the passed moment that has occured so far in life may be we r regretting abt not paying attention to them. These moment helps us to change and follow our dreams. May be we r going to suffer. we will face difficult time and disappointments but these just phases that will ultimately pass. One day when we look back then will find the satisfaction of taking that journey. Their are people or moment when we are afraid of taking risks. but one day when he will look back life will ask what have u done with moment it has given. We buried ourselves in cave bcoz u were fearful of losing those talents. so this ur heritage: the certainty that we wasted our life.
Now why people are afraid of taking risk in life r we too manipulating things now a days. we r engaging too much mind on things. mind always doubts things. but if we look back we see all the great things and discoveries has been done by the people who have followed their heart. Mind always doubt things becoz it want to repeat same thing again and again. It refuse to accept new things. Its resistance to new things that stop us form taking new things in life.

Things I hate about love...

1. Tears: It has to come sooner or later. As second words of love it self says "O: ocean of tears". I hate tears. Neither I can weep for anything in life nor I can see tears in any ones eyes for whatsoever reason.

2. Happiness: How could be your happiness be associated with some thing which outside of you or some body else. Your feeling of joy and sorrow is associated with you only and not any one else. External factor can affect ur feeling to certain extent. But seeing others happy becoming happy and seeing others sad becoming sad is like half of u is residing in someone else. I hate falling in sad situations and neither do I want to become cause of others sadness. What the hell is there to let other feel sad about u if u cant make them happy.

3. Your main aim of life becomes keeping others happy. Kick this bullshit stuff. We should try to keep our self happy first. This should be our main aim not that keeping our self sad keeping others happy. If I am not happy I can not make others happy. if i am feeling bad and if u dont like my mood run go out of my sight, is that clear.

4. Change: change is inevitable every body like changes and it part of human growth but change for others, for fulfilling others expectation and happiness. Are we living our own life or a borrowed life. I love changes but don't like to leave the thing I enjoys doing since years.

5. I, me & Myself: In the process of falling in love u will lose yourself and your identity this is damn sure. love will capture your empty spaces and time. And in current scenario and technological advances u will not have time for your self your whole thinking process will be crushed. I love being alone to regain and analyze my self. kill that thing if it disturb your peace of mind.

6. Craziness: love take ur mind not ur breath(as said in movie TOPGUN) you will lose your mind and u will do the craziest things in your life which u would have never imagined of doing before. Love comes with madness. Why to lose peace of your mind.I believe in taking practical/sensible decision not emotional one. I don't want my decision to be influenced by others emotions too.

7. After falling in love u will never enjoy things alone or being alone may be u can enjoy being together but not being alone after that. No body knows what happens after falling in love. u have came in this world alone first u should enjoy yourself and ur own company.

8. Blindness: Love is not blind it makes people blind. People who falls in love lose their logical and analytical ability a sense of judging thing right and wrong. Perhaps in love your mind stops working and and you use heart in taking decisions. You will lose sight of facts and honesty. Love basically degrades your morality specially where love it self involved. You will cheat and speak lie frequently. I like being honest and truthful. I cant say what other people want to listen. Give these hypocrites a kick.

9. Freedom: u lose all kind of ur freedom. Mental, emotional and physical. You lose freedom of expression. You manipulate people, situations too often. You express things based on happiness of other. I hate knock at door or cellphone ring when I am sleeping . I don't like controlling anyone and neither do i like to be controlled myself. People are born free and they better know what they can do better for them self rather than me. Now a days every ones know what others should do but they dont know what them self should do.

10. Future: People who falls in love thinks abt things that are in future. Like marriage, well being, and always try to make future better and also try to forget past. Obviously with one step in the past and the other in the future; its no wonder they are pissing in the present. I believe in my dreams and try to plan the things. I hate when someone else start effecting my decisions. My decisions are my own and I am responsible for them. I don't want neither others nor my decision to be effected by each other's.

11. Love will makes u weak and emotional . You will experience every kind of emotions in life that never experienced. It will bring unnecessary worry and anxiety in life. I hate some emotions like insecurity, feeling loosing someone and feeling of distrust. I also hate asking questions which some one feel uncomfortable or don't want to ans.

12. Even though u say you both love each other one but u will ended up fighting and expressing anger. I hate expressing my anger on any person for whatsoever reason.

13. I like beautiful things in life. I like to enjoy them freely whether I get or not . If u own something I am sure u would not able to enjoy others things if u seem them to some one else. its saying that most beautiful things should be felt by heart and as in case of love see and feel but don't own it. it come with so many other things e.g. feeling of jealous, possessiveness and once they come love will disappear but these feeling will not. A love and jealousy can not exist together.
Unnecessary u feel bad/jealous about someone whom u don't know. i hate feeling or saying bad abt anyone specially whom i don't know.

14. You need to remember few important date like DOB, marriage etc, I don't bother abt past dates its only concern of historians. If am not bother about my DOB why to hell remember others DOB. With each passing day you are one day closer to death what the hell is there in birthday to celebrate.

15. There are other important relations to cater in life but with love you will lose all those you will stop giving time to your friends, hobby, parents etc.

Remember:
The toughest journey which u will ever take in life is the one you take from you head to heart.

The Pain

i have chosen above title because whole world is infected with above. Everyone has experienced pain and suffering at their different stages of life. going though these words u will find that pain is basically a kind of experience that u had passed through at a certain stages of your life. while suffering is basically ur point of view towards a thing or object. it may be that while experience a pain u r enjoying ur moment and their is no suffering at all. while suffering is a kind of virtual reality which exist in effect but not in reality. major concern of humanity is now a days is suffering not pain. so why do people suffer and what is ultimate cause behind it. as i said it is basically our point of view towards some object that make u suffer e.g. u suffer in a certain situation or in a person company why a person suffer in same situation while others don't bcoz people have different point of view. root cause behind is our point view and as people have started becoming too ambitious and too unadjusting with them self they r becoming very rigid in changing their point of view toward that things which ultimate cause them to suffer this process goes on or u can say life keeps on giving u lesson unless u learn form them. which eventually occurs after we change our point of view thus end of suffering.

Just Another Brick in the Wall

We are said that we are human, The most powerful and intelligent in all living creature but in reality we just a brick to be a part of a bigger wall and we have to fit in to it, or make ourselves to fit enough to be part of this wall. This is our ultimate fate and objective as of now. Is our life is worth living. Life is just wasted in living.
The ultimate irony of living a life like a brick that either u solve the purpose or finished. Since our childhood we are sub duded through pain and pressure to learn the rule to be fit enough in this wall. We never shine through whole of life what have we have shown or known. We have to full fill expectations of others or so called society and family at different stages. Will We ever be able to live our own life, by living a life of this kind we are just wasting it. We run here and there to please or meet others expectations, filling bitterness inside us. Its like fighting a fight that We can not win and that too for others I don't understand any purpose in that. Will we ever live our own life and feel as sense of freedom. With each passing day life is fading away and our dreams are drifting further away. Emptiness is filling inside everyone and darkness is growing inside us.

Atonement

It starts as i have stared thinking.......
The psychology behind greatness, behind proving oneself, is very simple. Everyone from his very beginning, is told that he is not what he should be. Disciplines are given, commandments are given; he has to fulfill them. If he cannot, he starts feeling inferior. It seems that others are fulfilling them, only he is not capable. And the inferiority complex is the basic mind disease out of which many diseases arise. No one is born with an inferiority complex. It is the society, the culture, which are responsible for creating the inferiority complex in oneself. And the only way for one to get rid of it seems to be to prove himself worthy according to the expectations of others. He will become somebody else that he was not by his nature supposed to be. He will never be happy; misery is going to be his lot. If he proves worthy in the eyes of others and becomes respectable, he will smile but in his being there will be no flowers blossoming. He will show that he is dignified, but deep down he knows he has betrayed himself. He has committed the greatest crime possible: he has betrayed his own nature. He has gone against existence and listened to all kinds of idiots. If he succeeds, then he is miserable. If he does not succeed, of course he is going to be miserable. It hurts -- because no individual is higher and no individual is lower. Is the flower of the marigold inferior to the rose? But how can you decide? They are unique in their individuality's. The whole existence produces only unique people; it does not believe in carbon copies. So the question of equality or inequality does not arise; I cut it from the very roots. This idea of making everybody equal, cutting them to the same size -- economically, educationally, in other ways -- is absurd, because inequality will show in other dimensions. People are not equally beautiful. Everything is unique; you cannot find two persons equal Intellectually you cannot make them equal.

Zinda- am I alive

Zinda- am I alive (Agony of watching movie "zinda")

Early Sunday morning I got a call from my friend that he had booked a ticket to movie zinda in the evening. I thought it would be a better idea to end a weekend with a movie. I was not aware that it will take another week to finish my weekend. without wasting ur time the way I spent money and time let me go through the story first.
sanjay dutt is s/w developer ( I dont know, is he look like even a project manager, which firm is employing 40 yrs old person in s.w development) any way he has celina jetly as his wife and Mahesh manjereker as his friend. so his firm want him to stay in Bangkok and developed that s/w from there. in few moment Sanjay Dutt disappeared from beach( in front of house, before his wife gives him new of her pregnancy) we found sanjay dutt in small cell. Where he is crying, weeping, shouting, and eating momos. He has a TV in that cell. After some initial drama sanjay dutt stats exercising to take revenge form the person who has put him in that. weeping in the cell sanjay dutt see the news of his wife murder and finds him self accused of that murder. He goes through various world news of each passing years like wtc attack , india in cricket world cup final, tsunami etc.) suddenly after 14 years we find sanjay dutt coming out of a box in market. thanks to agony of audience Sanjya dutt has been released with a cell phone, some money and a decent suit. so how does sanjay dutt find the person who has made him to suffer like hell for 14 years?? snajay dutt finds lara dutta as a taxi driver goes through each restaurant in Bangkok starts eating momos, why ?? to find the taste of momos so that he could knew where he was as a prisoner). finally he find the person who used give him food in cell and he reaches to the owner of cell after some bloody and heinous torturing. there he came to know a new kind of business used to take contract of kidnapping people and keeping them in cells, addition feature like torturing, killing, hair cut can be availed by paying extra money. (this movie is must for biharis who should look into this business besides kidnapping) after some fight and killing with some songs sanjay dutt reach to john Abraham who had made him to suffer like hell. john come after interval(50 minutes starting of movie) he is a person behind all his suffering. but why?? now here comes interesting part bcoz during his school days(not even in college days) sanjay dutt with his friends were in involve in playing prank with john Abraham elder sister. who commits suicide due to all mental suffering/comments of her classmates.finally after some fighting and killing john sanjay dutt gets his daughter and story comes to an end.our 2 hours suffering also comes to an end.

1. Now I will never see a movies from sanjay gupta. I should have learn this lesson after seeing Musafir it self.
2. If copying movie have so(as sanjay gupta thinks) any one can become a movie director.
3. Mahesh majrekar u better go to ur direction than to act in these shit movies. it is u who gave us movie like vastav.
4. Now killers can get new instrument which r easily available in market like, hammer drilling m/c to kill some one. better govt should license these household instrument.
5. Biharis can look into new means of business besides kidnapping.
6. Sanjay gupta before copying a movie at least learn from those director (Chan-wook Park's Korean film, Oldboy).
7. I really felt sorry abt those girls who have come to spent their weekend with their hubby. I hope they will recover before valentine day.
8. Now it responsibility of each parent to take his child to watch Zinda before enrolling him in KG classes(if child is ok after movie then enroll). Who knows when he will have to pay price (for what) in future.
9. Those who already enrolled check that girls should not having her brother in same school before playing any prank(better don’t do anythink behave like 60 yrs old). or who knows his child has to pay price for that. A lesson for those boys who used to have crush/comments during primary school days( class 2, class 3)
10. If john Abraham spent 10 million$ per days it will take 96 years to finish that amount. since when john started earning???.(question for IIT jee 2007). john is not looking older than 35 years in movie.
11. Momos is new source of energy if u eat 14 years continuously. I bet u can break walls(sanjay dutt does). if after 14 years, u cant ask sanjay gupta, Sorry not my fault.
12. Zinda is must for dentist who will find innovative way of pulling teeth.
13. The only dialog I remember from zinda is "hard works makes success" at least for 14 years .this should also be applied to movie itself.
14. Zinda is a movie made by dead for dead people who earns(atleast 150).
15. Copying requires intelligence. this has been not true for once, zinda is proof.
16. I am wondering if I am getting paid for watching zinda. I should have some better sense of social responsibility what if sanjay gupta does not have. After all I saw rang de basanti on Friday.