A trip to New york city..

Came back from Newyork city on Sunday evening. We went by bus in early Saturday morning and the journey was comfortable 3 and half hours journey.. Landed in the heart of Manhattan near times square building. We had walk around road this is amazing city you see lot of people around and feels like Mumbai in way. This city never sleeps. I could see big branded malls and shop and lot of big jewelry and fashion shop around lot of people walking on the road touching your shoulder. I went Madam Tussuad. It was proud feeling to see Indian Gandhi Ji and Amitabh Bacchan statue there. I had photo session with lot of Hollywood actors.
In the evening I went New york city Skyride and top of Empire state building. The view of New york city in the night was amazing. And on the top of building I could sense clouds floating around. I went biggest mall Macy what it claims to be full of all the fashion stuff, Jewelry and watches.
In the night I went to restaurant and bar and had Geilndfieck scotch which was excellent but the food that lady served was bullshit with no taste and I had a difficult time finishing half boiled chicken.
Next morning I went o Statue of Liberty we took metro train took a cruise ride probably first time for me to statue of Liberty and Elis island… we cam back and checked out from hotel Walcott did some shopping and had lunch with Indian restaurant took the bus and came back to Baltimore..

An evening at Inner Harbor…

The apartment given to us is very close to inner harbor the historic port of Baltimore.. We happen to visit there and spent some time in the Friday evening . Baltimore has one of the busiest port on east coast and this port is of historic significance

So walked on there Friday evening the and we can see lot of tourist and people around us dressed in different attire. Closed to harbor there many more historic building and museum and Baltimore convention centre sensing the dress of the few people I guessed there must be cultural or art festival or some drama must be played. Any way we had walk though the harbor around 2-3 kms on far side of harbor our office is located and can see the light of tide point building. Around the harbor we can find many restaurant with both inside and outside view it great experience to seat in a restaurant sipping beer and view beautiful girls walking around… so we landed to a Irish restaurant Tir Nao Nong. We had some food and drink till midnight.. The few thing worth trying is Crab cake. After trying with various restaurant I realized that there different variety of crab cake one is appetitizer and other which a complete meal the appetiitizer suits to the Indian taste meal generally taste sweet as it serves with sauces and honey sometime which generally sweet in nature. We had few variety of beer and came back

In the land of opprtunities...

So finally landed in the land of opprtuinites... as people say USA. On friday evening...in my long career I had only one foreign trip this being second.. aI like visiting new places and I was kind of looking forward to visit this land. So due to my professional commitment this trip finally happened. after planning and rescheduling a number of times.. I finally got my ticket confirmed.

The early morning Bangalore flight landed at noon at Hithrow and after noon flight evening at BWI airport in evening time. Hithrow being the big airport with full of glamour The connecting flight to BWI started bit late however things were ok and beside lady at Bangalore airport had given separate seats for both of although I was travelling with a colleague..

Any way most of the time in flight i spent sleeping and drinking beside browsing on flight entertainment system. We landed on Baltimore airport around 7:30 local time We had already booked a cab and took a bus to Avis cab centre to collect the cab. We took the cab and had some problem in collecting the apartment key. which was located at some other location. And after 2 hours roaming with GPS to near by location we were able to locate exact address and and key. In this whole process we didn't not find any human being around and no one bother to ask any question what we were doing around mid night. We had been given automatic entry key for garage and parking entry. this time i had realize how this society is dependent on technolgies.

I got around 9 O' clock in the next morning. And decided to had a sneak of near by market and after 10 minutes walk my colleague realized that he had lost the car key. We came back and after hell lot of search on net we called locksmith after confirming with local Avis center at sherton hotel.. finally we got locksmith guy in our apartments and he took just 8-10 minute to get the new key prepared and for this he charged a whopping 363 dollars. I never had such costly walk in whole of my life. The whole day was wasted in fixing car key and that was enough for the fist day

Next morning we went DC we drove till Greenbelt and took metro to dc Smithsonian... we went National museum, White house and Lincoln memorial and and National Acqarium and other federal building near by. In the evening we went for dinner Indian restaurant and finally i had some good food after 3 days.. rest in next update....

Some technical...

There was a programmer from Rose
Whose objects just wouldn't dispose.

He'd play with his classes
Till he smoked up his beer glasses

He thought of using inheritance
But his imagination was not coherent

He tried other approaches but his work just blows
And now his hard drive light just glows.

He tried with object association
But he felt it like taking poison

He also tried with object composition
But this was not the right position

He thought about solution day and night
Unfortunately he lost temper and had fight

He created many small classes
And he also discussed with his bosses

He was sure about missing deadline
At end of time his designed was not basined.

Will it work He was not even sure
But his intention was pure

He sent design as it is for coding
This was the time when .net was blooming

Garbage collector was right there
Disposed the object without his care

copyirght rakesh kumar july 2009

If you...

If you smile at me not because to reduce your stress
But only to impress and you are depressed

Don’t smile at me.

If you come as a friend not because of my company
But only to advance you destiny

Don’t be my friend.

If you help me not because you are comfortable
But only for the sake of my pleasure

Don't help me.

If you thank me not because of gratitude
But only for the sake of social formality

Don't thank me.

If you give me not because of joy
But only because of your social obligation

Don’t give me.

If you feed me not because I am hungry
But only because your home is not empty

Don’t feed me.

If you sleep not because to get peace of mind
But only because its night.

Don’t sleep.

If you read not because to empower your intellect
But because to copy other's experience

Don’t read.

If you cry not because to make emotionally empty
But only to gain other's sympathy

Don’t cry.

If you respect me not because for what I know
But only because what I own

Don’t respect me.

If you teach me not because to liberate
But only to make me enslave

Don't teach me.

I you love me not because the way I exist
But only to make me change and twist

Don't love me.

© Rakesh Kumar

Silent Walls...

My parent left on last Monday morning after spending around two weeks and I had a great satisfying time with them beside enjoying food made by mother. I was able engage and spent quality time with them. Most of the time we were roaming around city and inside city, eating and shopping. We went to national park and innovative film city, iscon temple beside shopping in the malls around. I am feeling bad and a kind of sadness after they left.. Again same routine… my evening are more dull and boring again. It has been more than one week and I don’t feel like doing anything wasting my time browsing channel or net most of the time at room….

The Last Page

This is the last page I am going to write
I promise there won't be any lie

Words here are from the heart of mine
And there is nothing I expect to hide

Unable understand what does it mean
Once I was seeking answer but now not keen

I still remember her first smile
Along the way I lost myself for a while

I was simple honest and innocent
And i was waiting for the right moment

Now may be the star have resign
Only missing shadow was mine

I am the man searching for reasons
Standing alone on a nowhere junctions

We were stranger walking on a journey
Now I found my self standing lonely

Unsuspecting victim of desire
I walked alone on a thin wire

Now we walk on the path destined
My lonely path is without sunshine

© Rakesh Kumar

Until I say Goodbye...

She came yesterday and sat on my desk, first and last time. To invite me on her marriage and say goodbye, the final one. I already knew that she was getting married next month and I anticipated that he might leave this place. She invited me to her wedding and said today was her last day here as she was moving ouside India. I wished her gudluck, success and happiness in all her future endeavor. I told her that I would miss her smile around here. She was telling that she would miss my hindi shayris which I hardly shared with her, very few, though i wished i could had shared more. And she said she would be in touch through orkut etc. I shifted last Monday just next to her cubicle every day and we were passing almost 5-6 times across each other daily. We never spoke. Not a single word was said beside one fainted smile. I am not complaining even I could not walked across her cubicle to say just hello. When we were sitting around few step away and we could not speak few words with each other, how could we expect to be in touch when she she would be 7 seas away. Today there was a sense of emptiness around and dull silent. I hardly used to speak with her and had only occasional talk and few exchange of scrap I had with her I could count on my finger. There is nothing for me to feel sad If I start looking at past fact and searching reason but yet there is pinch of unspoken words that will never be said. The things I always wanted to share with her as friend and colleague. The feeling I used to have when I used to enter in cafeteria or when my eyes used to search her around. There is nothing and everything at the same time. The sense of emptiness created will take some time to fill. Any way I wish her all the happines and sucsess.

What Goes around, comes around

Looks like it has been long time since last i have written anything.yes it has been more than 2 weeks and although i was not very busy but yes i was more a bit kind of unsettle. Things moved fast at professional and personal front although nothing concrete to write about. Professionally i was busy and personally things were not easy fro me. one reason i could not write anything was that i formatted my laptop and almost 10days i was busy configuring it. On personal side i have few philosophical note to add. what goes around comes around. and life returns me things in the form which i cant not accept or when i don't expect it or when they have least value for me. looking back to past 15 days i have not made any significant value addition to my life frequently it was wastage of my time.

Finally my parent are here... I went station to pick them up and it was quite satisfying.

End of Temptation...

I agree that I gave it without any fight
And I am left with my loneliness tonight
But I will make sure it doesn't fade away
Even though there was nothing I had to say
And I was watching let it go this way
I am not asking why i don't deserve
But this feeling I will preserve
You can laugh and say I am crazy
But I will never wonder why
For me it was like fairy tale
It is broken but not for sale
Destiny has woven this pattern
So many things I had learnt
I am exploring only one at time
Even there is nothing left behind
I will stand once again and fight

Copyright Rakesh kumar May 2009

A small one...

From a Hindi couplet..

I won't say it a dream as one day it will be over
I won't say it a heart as one day it will be broken
But if i say life it will go forever till death.

Omega...

May be I was living a empty dream
But you won't understand what it mean

Every time all the doors were closed tight
And my path was dark without single light

You never cared why I had walked alone so long
And always thought there was something wrong

Today when I am down and completely broken
You are thinking I am heavily drunken

Now you expect my story has come to an end
But so many things I still have to append

May be now I have changed my mind
But its not easy to leave things behind.


Copyright Rakesh Kumar April 2009

Desuetude...

You say friendship is like onion..
But I don't agree with your opinion

You think its layers add taste to life
But you don't see under it hidden lies

When you will cut you will pay the price
At the end it will bring tears to your eyes

You say only friends, forever
I don't want to be my soul killer

You name this feeling a friendship
But one day truth will be on my lip

You dream dreams in sunlight
One day this feeling may die

Even though it had made me cried
But my emotions has been magnified

What if it last just for a moment
I will treasure it for rest of my life

I will say goodbye and walk away
You will not hear the word I had to say


Copyright Rakesh Kumar April 2009

I Voted...

Today was election day and I voted, first time in General Election.

Number...

Yes! I am lost in this big city
Looking for my identity I found few number for pity

Only identity I have are few number
Like on my monitor a sole blinking cursor

My House number, cubicle number
PAN number, Passport number
Account number, Landline number

And most important among these all
A mobile number which everyone uses to call

Every one uses this number to reach me
Some times to love, hate or teach me

They call me to know my where about
Or just to know how I am fading out

They become worried if it is silent
As my heart has stopped being vibrant

A stranger reaches me by this number
As I am the only left to be conquered

To sell his product, to know my interest
To help me what I need or only to mislead

But I am unable to find few moments to heed
To look inside me, to search what I need

Running this never ending race
I have only brought my self disgrace

I have left all fellow runner long behind
But finish line is still out of my sight

I never tried even once to look back
To judge if I am on the right track

Searching for identity the race has no end
Morning to night everyday whole life spend

I am not alone being part of this lonely crowd
Where every one is running to catch the cloud

Finally one day I get a identity
My life comes to end bluntly

In the news paper next morning
A bomb blast headline all were discussing

They count the number of people died
And I was not among those survived

Among those killed they count me a number
The destiny even once I could not alter

My Life ends but I get an identity
One more number assigned to my entity

copyright rakesh kumar april 2009

Just like that...

Alone I battled storm that loomed
While i was living alone in this empty bedroom

I survived but my last drop of blood was drawn
Nothing was left with me but every battle was won

I can't say it was first or last
I only remember them as things of past

I woke up whole night just to see sun shine
but I forgot to understand aim of my life

Shattered dream you will find at every corner
My heart was bleeding but i didn't care to bother

Unable to reach any where I was confuse
I could not walk with so many excuse

I could not remember when i last smiled
I didn't see any reason for me to survive

So many things I consider them as wrong
Biggest mistake was to live so long

(© Rakesh Kumar, April 2009)

Few movie quotes...

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

Truth like-like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.

--'Dead poet society'

'Gilli Danda' vs Golf

One of most widely played game in India is on the verge of extinction. Well i am not talking about cricket or hockey but i am talking about Gully Danda or Gilli Danda. This is the game which most of us have grown up playing. Well i am not talking about metros but in other cities and in villages its most popular game among kids and played almost every village, cities of India. Many people will say this is the game of poor but i would say it there are game which only rich can play but Gilli Danda is played by all whether rich or poor if you have access to local ground and are in touch with kids you must have played it. Now a days its hardly seen being played. While I was growing I had played lot of it. Only things needed to play this game is some bush's stick, Small portion of stick called gully and a small hole in the ground called 'Guppi'. You can play it alone enhancing your own skill or with anyone whom you either hate or love. My parent were most of time worried and many time advised not play because of fear that i would hurt my eyes as flying Gilli spins and when you are catching chances are you will misjudge it in air. Well there are fear with every sport you play why to blame Gilli Danda alone the worlds most cheapest game.

I have played many games and sports. I had encounter with golf in Delhi and also in Gurgaon where i used to stay close to Golf course. Golf is a game played by rich ones because of its cost of owning instrument not every one can afford it. This post is about similarity and perspective when I look both Golf as well Gilli Danda in current context.

Both game follow similar pattern you have a hole which has a important place in game. In Golf you have to put balls and in Gilli Danda you have to put Gilli.

You have Golf stick to hit Golf ball and here just a plane stick called 'Danda' or stick to hit Gilli.

You get constant no. of chances to hit and move the ball to hole the same way you do in Gilli although some variation exists.

The way you judge direction angle and stroke the same principle you apply in Gilii Danda also if you have played it seriously.

You measure distance in golf in term of par and in Gilli either by Danda or by your own step

There different kind of golf stick exists so does with Gilli danda.

You need a open space, land to play both game. although golf is now played in golf course this i see only as strategy to keep this game away from masses.

Golf is played by highly reach and elite class of people and Gilli Danda is played by extreme poorest lower class of people in society

There are few variants of Gilli Danda game and locally customized version exist.. in golf also local body have customised rule.

One different is that in Gilly Danda you option to catch Gilli in golf I don't see that may be this feature is derived from cricket.

To play golf you need be member of golf club and you need to plan things and time. Gilli Danda doesn't required any time any where with anybody you can play it. just find a stick around you.

The golf sticks are very costly but Gilli stick are free of cost.

You can get hurt by Gilli as well as golf ball.

I am sure those who had played Gilli Danda will cxcel in golf but vice versa is not true. and reason for Indian golfer doing well is Gilli Danda which is in our blood.

As compared to golf Gilli danda has been able to adapt itself in changing world and still its not control or govern by any organized body so there are only understood rules. So this game is still completely free and while playing you don't have burden of imposed rule and regulation. Gilli Danda is still in purest form and joy of playing a pure sport is different. Such things doesn't exist with golf.

There is no restriction on length of Danda or Gilli or Guppi depth or width, ground size and kind of ground, dress code. you can play it wearing nicker, Chappal or bear foot also.

Disclaimer I think to preserve this game and to protect this sport which is a part of our culture ( where is Shree Ram Sena) its moral responsibility of us to protect this game. We should create a governing body.. which should be name like GDCI.. Gilli Danda Council of India. If you have any better suggestion, any clarification or want to know more about this game mail me at DandaGully@gmail.com. also we need to fight to include this game in Asian games. if Kabbadi can go why not Gilli Danda.

A Note about My country..

"The simple and astonishing truth about India and Indian people is that when you go there, and deal with them, your heart always guides you more wisely than your head. There's nowhere else in the world where that's quite so true."

-Greogory David Roberts, Shantaram

The changing India

Things are changing so rapidly in India that even I am feeling outdated to 5 years younger people in terms of values, life style and thinking. Its too much to handle and cope with changing system in India even for a youngster like me. India is country where tradition is fighting for it survival or to coexist with modernity. I cant believe that 8 year back where a middle class family could not imagine having land line telephone, now a days I see 80% villagers using cell phone. India is country who is currently going through huge contradiction and paradoxes. At one place i am using laptop and other side one person in my village is cutting grass with a stone age tool for his daily survival.

Few facts i have noticed in my daily to daily life about changing faces of India where tradition and modernity are fighting or coexisting..

When I go home i use 'Neem stick' for brushing my teeth and at the same time every morning while chewing it I use my laptop for checking mail.

When I tell my father I develop software till few year back he used to ask how does it look like , shape and sizes and color and what m/c I uses. Also he used to think my office is a factory.

When first time in 2000 I used ATM at Connaught place New Delhi i required help. Once i was visiting with my 14 year old cousin and when he saw me pulling notes he ran away and told his parent standing outside that I was stealing money. 5 years later his 9 year younger brother knows how to use any mobile phone and send sms without any manual or know playing mobile game. Even he knows how to operate any digital device like remote control, ipod, camera etc with ease.

I don't remember when last time I visited bank for taking money.. During my school days my father used to scold me for not going bank and understanding its way of working.

My aunt still uses Amla Reetha and Black soil (kaali metti) to wash her hair but same time she uses multinational brand conditioner for good smell.

Half page rediff advertisement in times of india could not make any sense to me in 1997 and what does searching 10 million pages mean.

My uncle own 4 computer, 2 high end printer 1 scanner since last 12 years for business purpose and digital offset printing m/c. He travels on online ticket booked but he does not know how to send email and doesn't own email id. His 10 yrs old son has yahoo id.

If any one remember that in 2000 per sms charges were 6 rupees. the same amount i used to spent for a breakfast (puri sabzi) in Kanpur.

In 1998 when I met a head of a SBI branch for some work he believed computer virus were biological virus found in air and that was sole reason for keeping computers in AC chambers away from dust. Even few of my classmates also felt the same.

During my engineering days I used to write letter to my father. Generally i used to keep weekend free for this purpose and it used to take 4-5 hrs to write those 10 lines. Now a days i write 5-6 mail daily morning in 20 minute times addressed to bosses and friends.

In 2000 when I called a employer to confirm interview from local STD PCO booth from Kanpur to Delhi I already had main point written on paper to save money and 1.5 minute charge was 24 rupees. My father still finishes conversation in 2-3 minutes. He still thinks STD calls rates( 16 rupees per minute) are same what they used to be till 2001.

In my place we have society and all my uncles and father friends meet almost daily. I could not explain why social networking sites like orkut exists and what they mean.

No body is worried at my native place what is recession and inflation. They are more concern of potato prices and how they will put in cold storage.

In 1996 when I choose computer branch my uncle told it would bring unemployment. Few of my friends opted out to other branches from computer after joining engineering.

When first time one of my friend created a email he thought only he could check mail from same seat what he had used to create email account.

The most popular search engines during our college days was altavista.com, copernic.com.

4 years in first job i didn't have Internet access in office and to troubleshoot problems we used to rely on MSDN cd, seniors or study book in the evening at room and it was shame if i found using them in office. Now a days I see candidate discussing proudly even in interview how they use Google for searching code or problem. They cant imagine job without Internet.

Initially in my first job i didn't have official email id for some time. NT pop up what we used to have as a messenger for gossiping to colleague sitting in next cubicle.

I still remember in my 7th standard general knowledge book salary of president of India mentioned 25k.

My mother still uses stone made Sheel Lorha (for grinding turmeric etc) and electric grinder in same kitchen side by side.

We used to think that movies on national channel DD1 could only be broadcast at least after 10 years of its release, now a days it hardly takes 3 month for a super hit movie to be telecast on a cable channel.

Tete-a-tete

Since long time 'Raka Dholakiya' wanted to have a tete-a-tete with me and wanted to know about my life. I was avoiding him but 2 days back he made me an offer i could not refused below is part of my conversation with him Dholakiya saab question were tough as you can see but i was able to answere them with best of my knwoledge.

Q: Who are you, tell me something about yourself

Ans: Chemically and physically I am a matter and you are also a matter but it doesn't matter. There are so many ans I may be human, son, Indian, Rakesh etc. I am nothing as well as everything at the same time.

Q: How to do you want to be known?

Ans: You don't even try to remember me, forget me as early as possible. Good for you.

Q: Any other thing about you?

Ans: If you remember my face it may not be good for you. It changes very frequently. You can use any word slang, for me you want e.g Rough,rude, insensitive, selfish blunt, socially unfit, bugger loser list is endless. all are well suited to me.

Q: Tell me something about your background?

Ans: There was no ground behind my back. I was born (not sure, my uncle used to tell that they picked me from train) and ruined at every step to every extent in all possible way you ever imagined.

Q: About your home and family etc?

Ans: I have parent, brother, Half of my life i have spent myself surrounded by 4 concrete walls alone, well not in prison. some time I had sketches on those walls..

Q: Tell me something about your childhood?

Ans: Twice I ran away from school in 2nd standard and once form home in cold December winter midnight without wearing Chappal. Railway station was not far away but icy cold road was too much to handle.

Q: So you came back what happened after that?

Ans: Wait yaar, you are running before me. I took shelter in temple.. and while shivering I got enlightenment.

Q: What enlightenment, what knowledge you got?

Ans That I love running... since then I am running...24X7 throughout year.

Q: Any other incident you noticed in childhood?

Ans: After getting failed in one exam my father rewarded me with 1 rupees coin, being pleased on my exceptional performance.

Q: So you went school, got educated?

Ans: Education didn't ruined me but it didn't make me either I ended being confused. Most of time i spent playing in ground and listening to teachers while sleeping. One of my school was too far to reach and other was too near where my father can hear what i am reading in class.

Q: What subject you like most?

Ans: PT. Physical training. because I used to get to run. and 6 year in my school I was winner in all the races I ran ,100, 200, 400, 800 mts.

Q: Any school politics, leadership

Ans: Once I refused to pay increased fees and confronted principal whole class was behind me. The principal said two lions cant live together in same jungle. next moment i became goat..

Q: Any sport you played?

Ans: I played hockey, Sorry lived hockey and it was my only love and passion I used to live and die for it. 8 hrs daily in ground my team was state level champion attended, nation level camp.. that time I never imagined I would live without this sport.

Q: Why didn't make career, why left playing?

Ans: In my 10th board exam I topped whole region from no where, shattering many hard working friends heart. Suddenly everyone ( not me) realized i was good at studies.

Q: So how did you went to graduation?

Ans: Longest running state transport bus from my place used to go Kanpur only 12 hrs overnight journey. so one day I took a bus landed up in the morning in Kanpur got admitted in engineering.
Disclaimer: This answer I gave in my first campus placement interview.

Other ans could be that I didnt sleep in this entrance exam...

Q: Tell something about Engg. life, must be interesting?

Ans: I was confused between Sleep and study. When every one studied I slept and when every one slept I studied.. most of time I was fighting when to sleep and when to study... (i had habit of study in morning) my eyes used to get read after (9:30 PM) thank that no body complained about ghost walking in corridor.

Q: Any girlfriend etc in college ?

Ans: yaar I went to B. Tech degree not for lovology degree. Any way the streets of heaven were too crowed with angels... For me mid-sem exam was easier then approaching to girl and lived in that comfort zone.

Q: Why did you choose computer science to study, any interest.

Ans: I didn't chose, I was not aware about abc of computer. During counseling counselor said 'mera magaz mat khaoo' Don't eat my brain... so.. i said give me computer. I heard it had got brain. Lets eat his brain... now I realized neither computer nor I have brain...

Q: Any way how was your experience when you started comp. sc. study?

Ans: Bro, Till end of first year I had never touched computer and seen computer only on railway reservation counter. and the first DOS command I ran was 'c:\chess' about a Chess game and my HOD threaten me to suspend for whole semester for playing game during lab period and till today I don't have any game on even my personal laptop...

Q: What you use to do in free time in engg days.

I used to counsel other on their personal life. e.g how to propose girl, how to write love letter besides collecting photocopies of my notes.

Q: Any extra carricular activities?

Ans: I played hockey football, cricket, wrote some play script, acted in them.

Q: Your favourite comic character?

Ans: Chacha Chaudhry, kyonki chacha chaudhary ka dimaag computer sey bhi tej chalta hai.

Q: How did you landed in corporate world, job

Ans : I was in Delhi .landed for interview. got the offer.

Q: Very simple?

Ans: What simple. they told that they will get back in week time so i went to institute to spoil my junior lives as my HOD thought I could be good faculty member so he offered me in final year itself. They called me for discussion.. While coming back from Delhi to Kanpur to train I realized I had to attend AIR Force SSB. I though 5 days would be good fun why to spoil others life through teaching..but when I landed at home my mother has the news.

Q: How was your job and professional life.

Ans: Actually I thought of quitting first day itself.

Q: Are you single?

Ans: I have many personality....there are many undiscovered side of me...if i am not single will you charge me for that.

Q: Have you ever been in love or fallen in love.

Ans: Falling is OK for me from any where for anything even form 6th floor of office building but sudden stop at end hurts.

Q: You ever liked someone or even feel like that?

Ans: I don't have hate for anything. I hardly accept anything. I believe in admiring things without owning them.

Q: I didn't get it, no i mean girl etc there are so many girl around you?

Ans: I never told anyone if liked except one blunder( yarron mainey panga le liya). Every minute I fall in love and but say I love you to myself only..OK, May be I like her but then if I have not told her about it. will not tell you either.

Q: What are you planning to do..

Ans: Nothing... all my earlier plan are in state of paralysis.

Q: You writes some time..any inspiration?

Ans: It since long.. earlier it as in Hindi and now in English. It confession of a confused mind.. if u are reading then its at your own risk.

Q: What you enjoy most currently?

Ans: Cooking..... I am joining a short term cource of chef, You should do something where you lose track of time. Again I don't guarantee if you eat my food u will enjoy it.. its not about Whether you enjoy eating, but its about my cooking which i enjoys

Q: Kind of quality you look in others?

I admire honesty. 'Nindak nieare raakhiye angaan kuti chwaye'...You should shelter in your house those who criticize s you... so just criticize me.


Q: Any bad habit do you drink or smoke etc?

Ans: Who is not addicted to this world from bhagwaan shankar to krishna.. We are living in virtual world which requires addiction, I am drinking 24 hrs everyday and living in smoke and addicted to all kind of weaknesses of this world which u ever imagined..

Q: What are you doing currently?

Ans: Nothing wasting my self and my life...

Q: Any other interest..

Ans: Music... I have few song recorded

Q: Any further study planning etc?

Ans: My ultimate aim is to study medicine,,,, before I die, I should get MMBS degree.. just in case doctor refuse to treat me. Any way I have already live long and people must be fed up with me if not MBBS, MBA may also work.

Q: Where do you see Ur self after 10 years?

Ans: May be growing tomato at my own farm..

Q: Tomato??

Ans: Han bhai... software nahi uga skata.( i cant grow software) This ground is no more fertile for software ...

Q: Any plan of marriage...

Ans: I want to remain happy...

Q: What are your weakness and strength?

Ans: what is my strength will become weakness one day and now my strength was my my weakness some time back.

Q: Do u believe in religion, god?

Ans: You cant tell me where to go , what to do. You just give me choices and explain me .. Organized religion is not my cup of tea.. I don't follow it but same time i don't avoid either..

Q: Any wish before you die?

Ans: On last day of my death i don't want to regret that I didn't utilize all of my talent that was given to me.

We love it...

While doing something for a while
You forget to keep track of time
You miss something very important
But you don't get upset

You love it.

While watching a movie alone
Laughing out loudly you roll on floor
You feel like crazy and mad
Don't behave like a sensible lad

You love it.

While watching a movie scene you start cry
You don't pretend to be strong or even try
Your eyes get wet with tears
On your cheek while they roll
You feel a cold sensation
But you don't wipe them out

You love it.

While you experiment with some new dish
You forget to add salt or it taste as you wish
You smile and don't get angry on your fault
Or you burn vegetable while cooking
It doesn't come out as you were aiming
You don't feel bad while eating

You love it.

As a kid when you wake up midnight
There is no one near to your bedside
You feel like walking to washroom
Scared as thinking of a character creepy
You pull the bed sheet to cover your face
You think it as a most horrified case

You love it.

While playing with a small kid
You draw few lines on her palm
An deformed flower or her name
Something she don't even understand
But she feels happy and brings smile
Shows it to every one around
Like a precious gift she has found
Which you can't even describe

You love it..

You return home after long time
Your pet dog comes around running
You feel the most special bonding
Jumps on your feet and body
Licks your finger and makes cloth dirty
But you don't even get angry

You love it.

You seed some plant
After long time you see its leaf
It grows some flower or some fruit
Its small but looking innocent and cute
It won't be enough for you to use
But you feel excited with joy

You love it.

While playing a game with small kids
Losing to them you think is a worthwhile
You lose the game but you smile
You get a beating but don't get serious
Kids are excited and you feel joyous

You love it..

While you are cleaning your room
You find a old diary of old days
Reading few lines you turn few pages
Naive and innocent words without any senses
Or a dried flower between the pages
Memory flashes and you remember few faces

You love it..

You listen few lines of an old song
Now its too old and outdated
You have not listened it since ages
While trying to remember next few lines
You connect yourself with some old sight
Unable to recall words you give a smile

You love it...


(© Rakesh Kumar Mar 2009)

Burn out before it fade away...

I want to keep this burning
Before it fades away
I don't know why
Its not that I didn't question myself

But then I realized...

I am too addicted to come out of it
I am afraid that if it dies out
I wouldn't be the same

Even though I know that...

There is nothing for me there
The joy of burning
May be I want to live in this dream
And one day it will be broken
My entity will be shaken

But..

I am addicted to this poison
I want to burn with it
Its better to burn out than fade away...

What is real...

"None of this is real. You pull the plug I disappear. Nothing I ever say, nothing I ever do whatever matters. Why don't you find my user." said Hog. The character in '13Th Floor, movie when he realizes that he is just a computer simulation and not real.

There are 3 movie I remember made on computer world, virtual reality and simulation which raises the question about reality. They are 'Matrix', '13Th Floor' and 'ExistEnz'. I think all were released around same time.

The question remains what is real. what is virtual? I think both are complementary, When reality doesn't exist its virtual, like absence of light is dark. Can I say whatever I feel, whatever I do, whatever my senses tells to mind is real. Is it reality? (Gita: Everything is MAYA). Imagine one day getting up in the morning and only finding just few things we were believing since years doesn't exist in the same form, be it trust on someone, belief, love, person anything. How does it feels afterwards knowing what our beliefs were not true, what have seen were not true, your feeling, love, relationship, person are not in the same form, what you considered doesn't exist same way. It may be perception, things that your were holding about something does not existing in the same way. How do we react. When we find whatever we were holding is false and now exist in different form. If we look only to our self we will find such moment exist in our life too. Everynone must have already faced it. Remember How did it feel then, how we reacted. I am sure its not easy to accept them easily and those were hard time and what about the world we live, about our whole life when we find this existence is not real.. Its not easy...

If I Could Answer...

If I could answer why I feel about you so much
But you will never understand as such

If I could answer why you the one I care
But to walk towards you I feel scare

If I could answer why I want so many things to share
The time when I don't think about you is rare

If I could answer why I am sad when you are not around
I keep on searching you all the places to found

If I could answer why I want so many things to add
Even just your passing by make me feel glad

If I could answer why your smile make me forget pain
Like after a hot summer first monsoon rain

If I could answer why i feel talking to you endlessly
But I forget my words and become unknown entity

If I could answer why on you I have all my trust
I want your presence in my life always must

If I could answer why I dream about you day and night
you are the only reason for me to be delight

If I could answer why you are reason for being me alive
Without you there won't be any meaning to my life

(© Rakesh Kumar)

Gulaal-- A movie about Love, Power, Betrayal

I happened to watch latest movie Gullal by Anurag Kashyap on Saturday late night show. This is thought-provoking and has the power to engage us at various points of the narrative. The movie is different and beside some loose script at few places the movie is well made with some excellent acting and songs. It highlights student politics its aspirations and exploitation and also concept of revolution about a idea whom some one believes but at the same time how some one uses others for their own personal interest. Again not everyone has revolutionary ideas and leadership and if you have , you have to fit others in to your plan and i dont think its bad obviously we have to make small sacrifices for big cause. Also if you are not busy making your own plan you have to fit into someone else plan. So get busy making your own plan. The movie depict real picture of college politics and issue and dilemma faced by people who were king before independence and who had lost their power and also about college ragging too. I happened to see similar politics with full of violence, rage and hate when i was in Allahabad university and there i faced some hard ragging too.

Something about the song of the movie, some are freaky and witty and some are really from the heart of true poet i don't know who is writer. Now days there very few poet are left who write 'Veer Ras' poem specially about Rajashthan and Rajput I remember some in my school days were Shubhadra kumari chahuhan, Shaym narayan pandey etc. reading those i used to feel very passionate and excited. now a days no one writes about bravery and 'Desh Prem'

Few lines from movie songs..

Aarambh hai prachand
bole mastakon ke jhuund
aaj jang ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do -2
aan baan shaan yaa ki jaan kaa ho daan
aaj ik dhanuSh ke baan pe utaar do -2
aarambh hai prachand

Something about current status of this world

alsaayi sejo ke phoolon ki duniya oh duniya re
angdaayi tode kabootar ki duniya oh duniya re
aye karwat le soyi haqeeqat ki duniya oh duniya
deewani hoti tabiyat ki duniya oh duniya
khwaahish mein lipti zaroorat ki duniya oh duniya re
heyyy insaan ke sapno ki niyat ki duniya oh duniya
oh ri duniya aaa… oh ri duniya
oh ri duniya aaa… oh ri duniya
yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?

and some freaky lines

जैसे हरेक बात पे डैमोक्रसी मे लगने लग गयो बैन
जैसे दूर देस के टावर में घुस जाये रे एरोप्लेन
जैसे सरेआम इराक़ में जाके जम गये अंकल सैम
जैसे बिना बात अफ़गानिस्तां का बज गया भय्या बैण्ड

IPL minus india...

This unfortunate for us, the people of India. The game of cricket which is like religion to us and IPL, One of the exciting product of India is moving out of India for season 2009. We will not be watching our heroes playing here in India. Its sad and unfortunate for the cricket fan like me and Indian people. There will be lot of discussion now on who is responsible and why it happened but its very sad and unfortunate. Specially the reason given behind is security problem and General election. Really India is a country with unique set of problems with some silly and laughable. Its like holding English premier league matches in India because of cold weather conditions.

The great Indian democracy has started making me feel like a cheap creature as this is dictating each and everything in my life. This is bullshit however at the same time i feel both happy and sad. Happy because we people of this country deserve such kind of treatment and responsible for our own fate and sad that I cant feel secure in our own country and also personally I would not be attending any match live and this year i was planning to take my father to watch few matches here in Bangalore. The stupid reason given that govt. can not provide security is laughable and shows incompetency of our leaders and and failure of our system. By moving matches we accepted we are not secure in our own motherland. Since govt cant provide security to its citizen then who will provide me security and make me feel safe. Isn't my fundamental right to live in secure and safe society when i am paying so much taxes to govt. In which place in India I should feel safe when our system is like this. We are unable to safeguard our hotel, monuments, buses, temple, market, train city, people. So what kind of security govt is talking about. We have never been secure earlier either. Its complete bullshit and every Indian is fully aware that police who is now saying that they are unable to protect us (which was never the case before, useless dept.) is single source of corruption and most crime happens below its nose and most of the time they are aware about things. Our police system has been a failure and it was obvious long back. Whenever i need to visit police station I feel scared and terrified ( so does every on else) why? We are talking about these police to provide security to us. The major loss will be to these police dept man when they will not be able black ticket and provide back door entry to to fans for money. Other reason is General election....our pride is shifted because of this election. which is process of choosing some bugger who will go fight and abuse in Parliament and waste our hard earned money and we don't have any other options besides hopelessly vote them. If I cant do what I want to do in India my own country where I am suppose to do? Am I living in my own country. This is a issue of national pride. Not about safety and security and result of a failed democracy and product of it, our govt is bunch of joker which has nothing to do with citizen's interest and country's pride. I think BCCI is right in shifting this tournament the way these politicians were treating IPL since last few days and it was pathetic and disheartening. The govt. is not bothered about pride, growth but are trying to safe guard its own petty interest of politicians I am sure those who really interested in cricket will really bother about going to vote to select these bunch of jokers. Live long Indian democracy and helpless citizens....

Dedicated to my 'Papa'

This poem is dedicated to my Papa. I wrote it only for him. He carried me further than what i had ever realized. These few lines below are too little to consider....

You carried me further than what I had realized
Gave me your valuable experience, guidance and advised

You gave me best what you could ever provide
You brought me to smile whenever I had cried

I remember the days when we used to play
Whether its Carom, Football or Hockey

You used to be back and I as goal keeper
With you in my team I used to feel braver

Or you as defense and I as forward attacker
I was able to write many victorious chapter

Your words of encouragement lifted me upbeat
Some times it was harsh and sometimes sweet

I was a rough, blunt, naughty and rude
I was a child with most difficult attitude

You are the reason what I am today
I was lucky to have your words to obey

You are behind my every laugh and success
You always gave me best things in life to access

Like a coconut hard outside and soft inside
There so many things I want here to describe

You were the father and not a friend
That why my bad ways could amend

Now I have grown with thinking of my own
But I am still walking on the path you shown

The distance you covered always inspired
I found you in my life the most admired

Now I feel sad seeing you grown old
I want to play with you hockey once again

You have been a hero and will always remain
Seeing you as old I feel deep inside pain

There is so much for you to see and share
When I reach on top I want you to be there.

Papa, you carried me further than what I had realized
There are so many things I still needed to be apprised


(© Rakesh Kumar, March 2009)

About Indian TV News Channels

Now a days watching News, specially Indian TV news channels is about polluting and corrupting our mind. Its similar to being under influence of certain drug where you feel extreme emotions. I can't believe standard of television media and journalism has gone to such a low level in India. Now a days news items are like Amir khan birthday and how many gift he had received since morning or Kareena kiss on Saif neck or running commentary about no. of hours four year old Prince had spent fighting for life in bore well after he had fallen and some breaking headlines are Lalu's daughter's intimate friendship with friend who drowned in well two days back, Ten SMSes of Fiza received from her lover minister or what Benzir Bhutto like about India after her death and now since she has died she is most liberal Pakistani leader and depicted as martyr and a loss to India. I doubt whether this beautiful anchor who was debating her death as great sacrifice has an element of brain in his head and has she ever spent few minute reading at least few pages of her autobiography 'Daughter of East' and the amount of hate about India expressed there.
Now a days media is talking about its liberation and freedom but are the news channel are really free by themselves. Are not they bound by several interests. Isn't journalism now a days is pure business and truth and facts are molded in different shape and sizes just to gain cheap TRP rating. Are they producing really truth? Isn't this sacred profession has lost its meaning and not polluted. Are these channels are mirrors of the society? Are they really trying to bring common man problem and depict things as they are? Answer to all these question according to me is big NO.
Are the news produced is free from commercial interest and are not they produced keeping a certain audience and interest in mind? How can they say their journalism/profession is about truth and its ethical. They have already bounded by so many mean interests and the ultimate things coming to us is anything but the truth. I don't understand what kind of ethics these journalist follows. They must have taken oath at the end of their education/degree. Do they really have any limit beyond which they they think that they should not cross into some one's personal space. Do they have any idea what to telecast and what not. They think they are the most powerful and can serve any thing they want in people rooms and poison someone mind with all baseless stuffs. Slowly I have drifted from these news channel and i feel watching them is wasting my time and energy both. I don't know is there any criteria or categories under which these news channels news falls. Calling what these channels are telecasting news is a big joke. Sometimes I feel that these news are more interesting than a typical Bollywood movie and their news produced contains twist and emotions of typical Saas Bahu serial.

For me watching news in childhood was getting closer to truth adopting a scientific way of thinking and practices life breaking away with old age bondage, practices and blind faiths. It was about enhancing my general knowledge. Knowing what is happening in the world and current affairs. Are these news channels now are meeting any one of these purpose. I still remember that 8:40 night news sound on DD1 when I used to stopped my study and start my dinner and those 20 minute of news was more than sufficient to know each and everything about world, India and i never needed a news paper during those days. It was mandatory for me to watch daily otherwise a big lecture and set of questions from my father were ready on the importance of knowing current affairs and GK. Those 20 minute has definitely help me get aware about thing happening from parliament to the world and those were logical, verified and based on the scientific facts. Of course i was not aware about which actor was having affair with whom during those days and for interested one 'Filmi Kaliyan' type magazines were always there. I was not..

Now a days there are lot of news channel each for business, entertainment and for life style and even for city specific too.. but the poor quality of content and news reporting and different way of misrepresentation of fact does only harm to society. My personal perception about these channel are below..

AAj Tak/Headlines today: This channel started the concept of 24 hr news channel in India. it produces the news item like snake chasing an man, Akshay affair with Denise Richards, since how many hours Saif is waiting for kareena or Manyata mental status when Sanjay Dutt was being taken to Pune jail. I cant count the no of time this channel declared End of world on specific date. Thank god i didn't believed them and didnt do any thing crazy. Their news ranges from Vedic books to all astrological prediction to current status of all Saas Bahu serials and they also know which shot Sehwag or Sachin should play or not. I don't know whether people reporting such news item really believe in these things. It seems sole purpose of this channel is spread unvalidated and unscientific fact create blind faith, worries and create fear among kids and common men. Looks like they are serving news to stone age old civilization and their sole purpose is to take India in 17th centuries. Most of time i feel terrified or excited while watching their news.

NDTV 24X7, INDIA: This channel thinks that they are very elite and intellect and we as audience are fool and dumb and only sleeping creature. We as audience don't have any logical or analytical mind. This channel sole purpose is wake up us. Since they think are intellect they have very right to discuss and debate every thing happening in the society whether it kids thrown by a techie father in Chennai or assassination of Benzir Bhutto or any XYZ movie. Everything requires national level debate and discussion. All problem can be resoled by discussing them on table only. What is happening in Pakistan is more important to them than india and everything happening there should be debated here. Looks like i don't have anything to do. They think discussing and debating will solve every problem of society no need to do anything. The sole purpose of this channel seems to just to create national level debate and discussion. They think even a each every incident require national level discussion. Also they are the only who bother about things we don't have mind to think. we are just passie spectator.

TIMES NOW: They will take even one occurrence of a incident and project it like its happening in whole country. They Project each news items are happening all over india and its affecting everyone. Things like gay, lesbian relationship, live-in relationship, premarital sex, divorce, drug abuse etc are happening all over India and affecting each common individual whether he is sitting in Mumbai or in my remote village which still require electricity and drinking water. They think all over India these things are followed and require immediate attention. i have not seen any one reporting from remote area on this channel. also they are more interested in raisng/asking question rather than analyzing and finding ans. All they have is unanswered questions.

STAR NEWS: Before it became fully Hindi this channel used to have some respect and standards but now its pathetic and confused. They don't know what is news and what should they produce as news. It does not know whether to target metro audience are village audience. which area domain it should concentrate. Their new is just a kind of hotch-potch. Seems like now days they are on Aajtak path. Also it looks like they lack chairs as I see most of its news reader always standing and walking.

CNN IBN: They always track developing story as they say most of time. which never develops .They present news with lot of passion and urgency, looks like things are happening so fast and with in second news item will lost its importance or their news reader have to catch train. or they have to go on date More than readers I see guest in their studio more often. Only good thing I found is movie review on this channel but hate 'Really tough move quiz'.

Others channels don't deserve mention here. Daily there is one more news channel to fill your channel slot. God helps us...

A trip to Nilgiris Mountains, Ooty

Finally I was able to made I trip to down to south there so many places to visit near by Bangalore and even after it has been four month since I took my car I have not made any significant trip. So this time when opportunity came knocking on my door and I didn't wanted to missed it. It was one of my colleague marriage and I decided to go. After lot of discussion when and how to go and how many people were supposed to go finally two of my colleague accompanied me. I decided not take to my car as was feeling less confident abut driving on the hills so we hired a cab. We started mid night on Friday and left Bangalore around 12:30 midnight. It was tough for me awaking sitting beside driver seat but generally I sleep around 1:00 AM so it was OK for me. Within no time we touched Mysore road. On the way we stopped for tea.

Few line I created while listening to song was
The song was ek aadhi padhi novel

Door dekhi hai ek ladki khadi( I have seen a girl at a distance)

Per lagti hai hai wo mujhi sey badi ( but she seems elder to me)

So we were having lot of fun.

The Bangalore Mysore highway is very good for driving. We entered in Mysore around 2:30 only because some black cat crossed our path. and my driver wanted some one to cross before we could proceed. Now who is coming to cross us at 2:30 AM in the night. Any way before someone could come we started clicking some snaps. Finally a car came and we started again. We left the Mysore and now surrounding was deserted. And the road was also pretty bad with big holes and looks like were traveling on moon surface. Also whether started to become bit colder. We stopped for tea as I started felling sleeping and I could sense strain on my driver eyes also. We stopped at small hotel and this area was a small place at 4:30. There were other buses and people were also standing and taking teas. We had tea and some cookies the air had become suddenly very cold and I felt like shivering out side cab I had only T shit and shots. After getting fresh we started and we war passing Bandipur jungle although it was bit dark but I could sense standing trees. My driver asked one of colleagues which way to go I don’t know what he replied but he took the left turn and I could see dangerous curvaceous elevated road. The road were only wide that I there is no way for incoming vehicle and was impossible to over take. we stopped to a check post and after some verification we started again. Now light has started coming and I could see things properly out side window. Than path was dangerous narrow and some places it was pin bend curve with 30% elevation. It was very cold and foggy I could see surrounding hill and high trees. The sun has started coming and it was beautiful to see sun coming behind far away mountains. Surrounding was calm with sense of mystery. After some photo shoot we preceded further to heights. The road was elevated and even though it was bright sunshine but wind was chilling and I was almost shivering. We entered Ooty and driver went to check post and we started playing with camera. Finally we reached to booty city and our destination Queen Residency it was around 7:30AM. The residency was surrounded by hill and located on the slope of a hill. There were beautiful scenic hills and tea farms on the opposite slope of mountain in front of my room. I was awake whole night so I crashed to bed as soon as I entered in the room.

I got up around 11 AM took bath and after getting refreshed we reached to a hotel for lunch around 12 o clock. It was early for hotel to serve lunch but he agreed if we could wait 10 minute. The lunch was not very exciting but liked the fish. We proceeded to Ooty Botanical Garden. Nilgiris mountain are well know for their herbs and tea estate and this botanical garden was on the hill slope with lots of herb plants and old trees basically its forest area but surrounded by walls for general public. We tried to reach to highest point in the garden did some photography stuff . The beauty of this garden was thick trunk tress. Seems like they were hundred years old.

We spent their around 2-3 hours and we proceed to Doodabetta hill. This is the highest peek point in the south India as it was written. It was around 20 km on hills we reached there had some photo, some ice cream from this highest point we can see all the surrounding area houses on the hills and teas gardens.

There I noticed one newly married couple in conversation......

“Ok sit on that stone I want to take one more better." said husband to his newly married wife. "Now smile" said husband.

Now wife was had taken some snaps and while taking camera from her...

"Kosis ye karo ki haat bukul na hile photo lete wqat" ( try to keep your hand still while clicking) said husband..

"Haan ji main kosis karungi" ( yes ji I wiil try") said wife.

"Tume ne pani bottel utha liya.."( have you taken water bottle) asked husband.

" haan ji" replied wife

That was really sweet but the same time for me too polite and courteous... I wish they remain like this forever not only in their honey moon ....

Any way we came back down and on the way I visited a tea estate and had some tea. taste was obviously different.

We proceeded to Rose Garden it was written on the gate that we were entering in the best rose garden in the world, only to found not even a single rose in the garden. It happens only in India. Really without even a single rose it was best rose garden in the world.

It was 4:30 and was getting cold I could feel cold wind in my bones when we reached to booty lake. We took a four setter boat and went for some boating. Looked like there was some problem with boar liver it could only turn left. Any way after 1 hrs of boating we managed to come on the lake side. We spent there some time to enjoys sunset.

The evening was colder than we had expected. We decided to hang out there in some bar as there was no point in going back to hotel. We reached to Cheering point enquired about some bar and restaurant but could not found any one after roaming for 2 hours. We decided to go back to hotel took some food and drink.... We got some drink and food returned to hotel. Last time I saw the watch was 11:45 when I finished my drink and crashed to bed.

I got up early in the morning sun had still not come out and it was cold and windy outside. I wake up my friends and took bath. We got ready by 7:45 and upon inquiring we had come to know that the place for marriage was 25 km on other side of mountains. I was thinking that marriage was some where in city only. Any way we started and we took the Doddabeta hill route for few kms and reached to Kadaambty the surrounding hills were full of tea garden and were cleaner fresh and green. We reached to marriage place in 1 hour and after waling km on to top of mountain the house was almost on top of the hill there was another mountain on opposite side and both were parallel and the sight was amazing. Imaging getting up in the morning and finding a hill in front of you...

The marriage ceremony was over by 1PM and after lunch we started back this time we took the different route the road was good and distance was shorter.. we stopped for some tea on the hill we reached the market at 2 pm We did some shopping I brought different type of tea and chocolates Ooty is famous for its tea, herbs and home made chocolates. We reached hotel and cheeked out around 3:30 we started back to Bangalore. This time we took the proper road and this road bit easy to drive only some sharp curve we stopped few places for photo shoot and sight seeing and also shooting spot. I did some horse riding. Once we got down we traveled around 30 km in Bandipur national park jungle and it was getting evening we saw few wild animal like peacock dear monkey etc.. While coming back we stopped at Mysore for dinner at 10 PM. There was nothing much to write in return trip we reached 12:45 am at my room in Bangalore.

Its Holi today.........

Today was Holi and I was not aware of its exact date till last week. It was not totally colourless as in the evening my friend Abhishek invited me for some work to his place and only to found my self in color on reaching there. I played with some color so it was not bad at all. But i missed my family members and friends and regret not being at home besides missing those sweet and beautiful home made dishes prepared by my mother . I consider Holi more as festival of love and affection it gets highest position among all the festival we celebrate. It bring unity and closeness among us. In our side at least during this occasion we meet each and every friends and relatives and visit every one place... I don't see much passion and color here in Bangalore.... in Kanpur Holi is played seven continuous days after Holi festival is over and I used to had tough time going to my institute from my hostel during my engineering days ...but Jaipur flower Holi has special place in all kind of celebrations... Happy and colorful Holi to everyone...

Definition....

How will you define me..
What name my existence would be

The Extreme heat of summer
Or shivering cold of winter

An old book's unfinished chapter
Or the one who wandered seeking answer

A most beautiful destruction
Or crushed pieces for resurrection

A gold turned in to dust
Or my inner harden with crust

An unreasonable and irritating rash
Or residue left behind of burnt ash

An old leafless dried tree
Or a soul of a confused yogi

A dying thirst in the desert
Or one who discarded all its comfort

A drop of early morning dew
Or words of a final adieu


(© Rakesh Kumar march 2009)

An usual day and Pink Panther2

The day started with different feeling and emotion this morning and i wouldn't ask question why. it has to go like this and be like this and that's it. We went for team outing today, it was long time since we went together we were planning since long and finally we were able to manage and do it. I took my team members in car to Forum where we had lunch in 'Sahib Singh Sultan', food was awesome and ambiance was excellent. After that we went to watch Pink Panther 2. It was funny and hilarious with our own Ashwariya Rai in caste. Clouseau is cocky, stiff and oddly predictable and other actors have little to do. Any way i had good time during movie. We came back in late afternoon/evening.

Today i finished my dance classes and it looks like there is lot of gap to cover. I am unhappy with my learning and progress on that front.

It has been around 1.5 month time since i started playing Badminton again ( after 10 years) in HSR club here, thanks to to my product manager. I play 2-3 time per week in the night. I must say i am satisfy with my progress and my game has improved a lot. but still i have to fine tune my game and there is lot of scope of improvement. I have not lost even a single set in last 2 weeks and nearly 10 consecutive set wins. Hurrah....

Among all the puzzles i am currently trying to solve one is Rubik's Cube. I am still having difficult time to solve it completely. last night i did some mathematical analysis and googling and result was shocking. i will let know once solve it completely. Its seems my mind is not the same what it used to be.

At breakfast....

I conceptualize it on breakfast table this morning as i found myself in some different kind of feelings...


One more day and time seems too long
Now my imagination is more real and strong

Many days and nights have passed
Since you have crossed my path

Far away in between some times
When I look at your eyes, your smile

I don't know why I feel lost in those moment
Although its too short but I feel most vibrant

It hurts to look at you from a distance
But I am too weak to resist and break silence

And I find myself looking at you
Keep on searching excuses few

The pain of not knowing you,
How many ways should i argue

My Suffering for not being with you
You can also understand it too

One day will ever come
When you, only for me...

Will Take just one step towards me
And that will be my most valuable key

Will smile from your heart for me again
That day things will not be same then

Because for me that will be heaven
Forever my destiny will be beaten


(© Rakesh Kumar March 2009)

When I was sure....

This poem I wrote on this Sunday evening when I was not sure......



When I was sure of winning,
I ended up losing

When I was sure of laughing,
I found myself crying

When I was sure of getting sleep,
I found surrounded by bleep

When I was sure of running ahead,
I got my track narrow and dead

When I was sure of touching sky,
I realized my wings were tied

When I was sure of seen through my eyes,
I forgot to reason 'why'

When I was sure of reaching my destination,
I got my legs broken

When I was sure of getting love,
I got my feeling shoved

When I was sure of getting supported,
I was left deserted

When I was sure of shoulder to cry on,
I was left with tears to dry on

When I was sure of holding a hand,
I got myself drowned in sand

When I was sure of walking together,
I walked alone forever

When I was sure of loving,
I got my heart bleeding

When I was sure of being in home,
I only found walls of stone

When I was sure of being myself right,
Only I got was fight

When I was sure of being enlightenment,
I found my common sense was absent

When I was sure of being reached on top,
I found my progress had stopped

When I was sure of being alive,
I reached closer to die.




(© Rakesh Kumar, March 2009)