Question

I keep on asking myself this question
Who am i, or only a  sum of my action

Is there any objective of my own existence
If nothing left inside me as substance

What is the aim of my life journey
If at the end my hand are empty

So many reason and I am product of a abuse
What is purpose of living life full of excuse

Each day exploring one more hidden layer
What do i get if i really care 

Searching to my own self  i am stranger
So many question without any answer

 copyrights Rakesh Kumar june 2009

Atlas Shrugged is over

"The road is cleared," Said John Galt. " We are going back to this world.

The last statement from John Galt. It was around 11:41 PM when i read the last line of last pages Atlas Shrugged. The book was challenging not in terms of size of its content but understanding and rationality behind it. Also time I took to read it, almost 2 years. Though since last one years i was reading it irregularly however I was determined to read each and every line of this book and not to miss any one of word. I still remember the first day I took the book in my hand and I had imagined that one day I would be finishing last line of this book and yesterday night was that time. It was one of most exciting and thought provoking reading. There were few famous quote from the book the one I can recall now is "Truth is for those who seek it." Well Read...

पौवा

न मुझे कोई शिकवा न मुझे कोई गिला
जब से पीने को पौवा मिला
नशे मैं मैने ताजमहल हिलाया
धीरे धीरे अपनी चिता जलाया
तुम क्या जानो इशकी महिमा
शिव संकर की ये बढ़!ता गरिमा
शाम सबेरे सब गुण गाते
नियम से मद्रिआलय जाते
जब पोवा से गला तर होता
किसी से न कोई डर होता
क्या राजा और क्या फकीर
सब इश र!स्ते के राहगीर
क्या बुधवार क्या रविवार
पौवा का हर दिन पर अधिकार
कहत राकेश सुनो सब लोग
पऊवा से दूर होते सब रोग
दोस्तों के साथ मौज से जीयो
पौवा साथ रोज बैठ के पीयो
क्या दिल्ही क्या बनारस
हर जगह मिलता ये रस
पौवा के हैं नाम अनेक
जात धरम का कोई न रोक
पौवा से है देश मैं शांति
मिले न ये तो होवे क्रांति
पौवा है अमृत का प्याला
इशके पीछे कितनो ने घर फूक डाला
चाहे पीयो हज़ारों बार
फिट भी दिल को नहीं करार
बिना इशके जिंदगी है बेकार
पौवा पीकर करो उध्धार
जिंदगी है एक ज़हर का किला
पौवा पीकर ही मुक्ति मिला


copyrights Rakesh Kumar may 2010

The day she cried..

This poem is not complete and it stand as its as of today...

She asked me question most obvious
Enquired me and asked if I was serious

I was honest and shared the way I felt

All hell broke as she could not accept

Was not I already committed for whole life

Though she asked If I wanted more time

She cried, cried, cried and cried

As I was the last thing that just died

I could feel her words wet in tears

My only wish was to be her near

Just to wash away anything she feared

To change the way things had appeared

That day whole world drowned in her tears

As she cried after many long years

The drops of her tears were costliest expenses
I was only person who lost all my senses

 

My feeling was only left to be crushed

She raised question on my integrity and trust

Just to see her beautiful smile

I had covered a distance of many miles

From that moment onwards she had a choice
No further she displayed spark in her voice

Not that my feeling was any less for her

Only I lacked was perfect answer

I was searching how fate was arranged

That moment our life completely changed

Just 24 hours back I was most sure

That she was my life's most ultimate cure

All these days and night I was alright

But deep inside there was lonely fight

Walking on sea shore I found that answer

She was in my life source to wisdom

My life was passing so dull and boring

She was cool breeze on my face blowing

Now my life will change completely

But I will not take her as my safety

She is in mourning and I am behind her pain

And there is no one else to be blame

This may be the last chapter in this tale

But her precious love was sure not for sale... 

copyrights Rakesh kumar May 2010

Paper Cup

This poem i wrote long back as comment when paper cup was stopped at my work place

Once there was a day

Once there was a day when...

• When we used to had a old small black and white TV and every Sunday morning our room used to filled with neighborhood children. Our room was small and there was no place to sit but people never complained. As a kid I was always happy to open the door whenever some one had knocked  and I had never complained about missing dialog and scenes. I remember the day when I used to go to watch Sunday evening movie to friends houses and we used to find whole neighborhood sitting there.
• When only we used to have landline telephone connection and we used to receive neighbor's, relative's calls and we used to tell them to call after five minutes by the time we would inform them and we  had never complained about it.
• When we used share our morning news paper to our neighbors and we had never  complained offering them tea with that.
• When I never complained offering neighbors kid cycle ride or giving them  my bicycle when they had asked or required. I never worried that it would be damaged or broken. 
• When I always had enough time to teach our neighbors kids or help them when they had needed. 
• When I used to share my single lamp whenever ever there was a power cut and we used to study together and nobody complained about disturbance or mosquito bites. 
• When people used to bring calender and our walls used to filled with so many goddess pictures. 
• When we used to share our football, Carom and hockey in the evening with  neighbors.
• When I used to spent my evening till dark in playground and my parent never worried about my safety or hygiene.
• When my shoes used to have big holes but I never missed  going to playground. 
• When We used to travel by trains and we had enough trust to discuss and share everything with our fellow passengers.
• When people used to walks kms to meet and greet their friends and relatives.
• When I used to write letters to my parent and spent hours thinking how to start. 

And today 

• I have a big two bedroom apartment with no one to share my space.
• I have a big LCD TV but no one  is here to share my viewing experience, no discussion and comment on cricket and telling cricketers how to play a particular shot. 
• I have a big car but no one is there to share my drive.
• I take news paper but no one is there to comment or discuss those news stories. I dont feel interested now a days reading news paper.
• I stay in a big society of highly educated people but I don't see any  sharing of knowledge or teaching/interacting among neighbors and their kids.
• I have multiple pair of costliest shoes but I hardly have time to go gym. They are biting dust.
• The same playground which once used to be filled with boys now looks deserted.
• I travel in flight with highly civilized people of the society and I hardly interact anyone or see others interacting each other.
• Now a days I have cellphone with everyone's contact nos however i am not sure when i used those numbers to call someone. 

Things have changed we have changed, society have have changed, still trying to figure out god or bad?

A promising day in my life...

How A promising day of my life turned into (yet to figure out)....

•  Before you take your seat you get bonus letter but you don’t have reason to smile.
• You go into meeting only to find yourself in unfamiliar ground.
• You schedule a meeting but you are not available.
• You do some changes in code to run some process only to find you have to change value in debug mode for 200 times and you can’t abort the process.
• You join a conf but you are the only person in call.
• You fixes some issue only to find some new problem reported back that has nothing to do with you or your changes.
• You think you have finished day’s task at 8pm only to find new item assigned.
• You buy some food stuff for dinner only to realize you don’t want to eat them after opening the door.
• You go home thinking you can login and work from home in night only to find your broadband disconnected.
• You come back office in Shot and bathroom slipper and pray no one should see in that dress.
• You thought of finishing things quickly but you wait for some clarification without any reply.
• You find it difficult to explain your friend about many emotions you went through whole day and he finds you in office.
• Your perspective GF is seeking your attention but you are involve in debugging.
• Your best friend calls you for some help but he only expresses sympathy for you.
• You good friend reminds you that you could not call her and you don’t have time to seek apology.
• Your ask someone for helps for 2 minute and he replies that he would only help next week.
• You thought of going back at apartment but other person pings you to finish something before you hit shutdown button.
• You stay and finish your work but wcf services is not running properly on QA box and all the people are in meeting so you can’t test it. you have to wait.
• You set your yahoo messenger status ‘A worst day in life’. And only 2 people ask abt it and you don’t explain them.
• You try to seek help by contacting 4 people on IM, 3 people on mail, and 4 people on phone and you don’t get reply or resolution.
• At 1 AM while you were feeling sleepy and hungry both same time and everything else looks fine, you get mail from one of your manager about importance of not sitting idle.
• You write this @1:30 AM even though you are not sure you are going to share it with someone.

 

Well, life is fun when you let unexpected to happen.

(All the event have no resemblance to any incident or living being in past, present or future, and this should be taken in lighter sense)

Traffic

This poem I wrote when my friend Abhishek suggested me to write on traffic. I dedicate this to him only...

Don't want to lose my mind calm

All I want is no more traffic jam 

Where should I go if there are no safe way

I keep on wasting my all brand new day

The drive is bumpy and roads are hell

This way daily my life goes for sell

I want safe drvie to home in the night

But many driver on the roads are blind

Poeple cross and overtake each other side

They dont care for any rule to abide

Driver don't follow rules of traffic light

And they dont know what is right

Many times I see my fellow driver scream

Oppsite direction's coming vehicle in high beam

Day by day there are more traffic light

However there are more accident and fight

On this road you need to be lucky and brave

Or else you may reach soon closer to grave

We are so called civilized public

But we lack basic descipline in traffic

My eyes turn in the world of blindness

People don't  even have words of kindness

All traffic rules are meant for better use

System is for safety and should not be abused

The roads are narrow and unable to carry load

Days are not far when system will explode

copyright Rakesh kumar Mar 2010

Backtrack

Many years, month, days have passed
Still counting the thinigs i have lossed

For you it may be a ages old story
But things are still so fresh in memory

Sitting in the park the things you wrote
My name you put in those beautiful quote

Everyday me watching you walking away
Understanding what your smile had to say

Unable to figure out meaning behind your actions
Many times I walked around to get your attention

Even though today may be I have grown old
Only thing missing was courage to be bold

Once there was a star which I was aiming
Thinking about them today I am laughing

So many things I did was crazy
Unable to take step you labeled me lazy

Many time i looked at your face for a while
Only thing I was missing was your smile

Now you have gone to a distance far
But my life has turned  in to a bizzare

copyrights Rakesh Kumar feb 2009

A day..

It was long day and I reached late night
I opened the door to my empty house

Should I go out and join some party
Or get drunk till bottle get empty

Should I call few people whom i call friends
Or think about how to bring this routine end

May be I sit in the balcony  and watch moonlight
Or switch on TV, listen some music or walk around

It is not a bad idea to read some magazine
Or give a new meaning to life worth living

Should I look around and bring in my life thrill
Or do the things I thought I never will

Should I search for something I have not yet find
Or go back to things I already left behind
 
copyrights Rakesh Kumar jan 2010

Balcony

Standing on my room balcony
What I am doing
Counting the number star I see in the sky
If they are gossiping about humans life
Calculating the tiredness of moonlight
The distance it travels to reach us
Listing to dog barking in front yard
Thinking if they are fighting for food
Are singing in their happy mood

Alone

You say I am lonely
I may not deny some time but am I only
You agree I need time to myself
To explore and search my inner wealth
I never have time alone
Although half of life I was away from home
Some time things were closing around me
However they were only chosen few
I wanted to leave life of my own
And in my sense I was never alone
Whenever I feel I dance sing and run
Or sometime just sit and relax in sun

A boy in winter

The day was cold and night was deadly

He was ten year old boy standing lonely

On a coldest night of a winter

He was shivering with cold and fear

Visiblity was minimal and night was foggy

His cloths were dirty unable to cover his body

He searched garbage but nothing he found to eat

Begging on the road side he only got the beat

His Body was bleeding but pain was nothing

Compared to hunger and his tummy rumbling

His only soure of meal was to chew his finger

Although they had already got many blister

He could not decide about his fight

What was means left for him to survive

When everyday his life was being sold

What was more painful hunger or cold

Empty belly or life thrown apart

What was hurting him most of all

Abstract

Many time I walked to you from distance far
I wished that I could be where you are

Years passed but memories left with fresh trace
Looking aorund I am keep searching your face
 
In my heart you were always near
So dear yet far, I wish you were here

Time I took to say words was long
When I woke up you were gone

Your destiny to be smooth like a butter
I wish for you no more pain and suffer

Number of times I cried bending on my knee
The path I took was always lonely for me 


copyrights Rakesh Kumar jan2010

नया साल

सभी लोगों को नए साल पर सलाम पेश करता हूँ, नए साल की मुबारकबाद देता हूँ

भाई लोगों नए साल में नया क्या है

नल में पानी नहीं और रात में बिजली नहीं

हम को नजर आती सडको पर ट्रैफिक वही

जिंदगी वही और ज़िन्दगानी वही, मेरी तो घरवाली भी नहीं

इस नए साल की भी लगती है कहानी वही

अगर घर या ऑफिस बदल लो भी तो कोई बात नहीं

जिंदगी की तू-तू मैं-मैं अब किसको बर्दास्त नहीं

सबको मालूम है की इस साल भी हैं १२ महीने

इस बरस भी होंगे इकोनोमी के चर्चे बहुतेरे

जनवरी, फ़रवरी, में होगी सर्दी

और कुछ लोगों को होगा रिलीज़ की जल्दी

मार्च अप्रैल, मई में बहुत गर्मी होगी
कुछ का अपरेजल होगा, और कुछ को झोली खाली होगी
अगस्त सितम्बर मैं बरसात होगी
पर कितने लोगों की आँखे नम होगी
नवम्बर दीसम्बर मैं त्योंहारों का मौसम होगा
पर इस दिल का मौसम कहाँ खुशनुमा होगा

अगर ये साल नया है तो दिखाए सुबह शाम नयी

खिड़की खोलूं तो हो हसी चेहरे के दर्शन कई

हमको भी मिले हैं नए साल की बहुत मुबारकें
पर क्या होता है अगर दिल मैं हैं पिछले साल की कडवाहटें
हमने भी जिंदगी में बिताये हैं कई नए साल

कुछ थे अच्छे और कुछ का अभी तक है बुरा हाल

Alvida 2009...

Its exactly 11.11 PM IST. 49 more minutes to end year 2009. Half hours back I poured whole of Glefiddich bottle which was more than a large peg, in my glass with few ice cubes and still enough is left to take me in 2010. The Mtv is currently playing song 'Emotional Atyachaar ' on TV, probably they are replaying top 20 songs. The Haldiram's 'Sohan papadi' box which is half empty is on my side chair and my hand reaches to it some time while typing this. I am still thinking whether to cook Maggie noodles or not.

I shifted to this place on last Monday and still required few days of effort to put things properly. But still better than my usual stuffs. I searched for few dvds to spent this evening after Abhishek and Salabh left but I have not opened any one of dvd boxes. I switched on laptop to find few movie review but after browsing here and there i left it.. I am writing last blog of year 2009.

This evening I spent discussing few things with friends and didn’t had any great expectation set on new year eve. I was on leave since last Friday however I am spending few hours since last 3 days in office to get rid or my boredom. I will be writing more in coming days about new year stuff and things I am expecting however I have decided to visit as many new places as possible and experience new places and people. Few goals who are still waiting for my attention will surely get my attention and effort. I don’t want to look back and count ups and down in last few minutes of 2009. I acknowledge and thank it for being an exciting and experience rich year of my life.. ALVIDA 2009...

2009: A Retrospection

Looking back to the year that was I would say that it was bit of satisfying and exciting and I was able to accomplish and move ahead on most of the goals I had set earlier. A year for transformation and I invested lot of effort on this transformation in terms of joining Landmark Education and Art of Living. I travelled to USA and had amazing experiences. I met so many new people. Over all it was year full of excitement and new experiences.

3 idiots: A trip down memory lane

Friday was the starting of my so called very long weekend, a very long because it is difficult for me to pass time being alone on weekend, I was planning for a trip some where near by Bangalore but could not make it. I could not find any one to join with me on long drive, what the hell….

Any way I had already booked the ticket for 3 idiots with anand and ankur. So  me as one idiot joining with two couple for a movie.. The movie was laugh riot on line of Munna Bhai and was ultimate treat to watch.. Few scene were flash back to my own engineering days and listening KLPD words and seeing them getting approval was quite surprising. There is a history and list of how these words have been developed and what they actually mean, how they have been part of our enginnering culture. The movie was good journey to my engg. days and character portrayed were practical. The movie was also a comment on our present educational system although bit exaggerated. The ultimate dialog I could recall was that "agar dost fail hota hai to dukh hota hai per agar dost top karta hai to bahut dukh hota hai". I am sure most of us must have such feeling during their days.

A year that was...

An year comes to an end and so many things apart
But every moments lived will always be in my heart

The picture of a year that I always treasure
I remember so many occasion full of pleasure

I watched my self grow and changed day by day
The things I have done helped in so many ways

Remembering all the fun i had and things i did
On number of occasions i behahved as kid

I took the time to think and grow
Learn so much but still more to know

copyrights Rakesh Kumar

One year, 26/11

A sad year that just passed of our darkest past
The day in history when life completely fell apart

They attacked on the city of Mumbai
Snatched many of our beloved far away

This day may even die of history
Never to happen again is daily pray

They spread venom and we welcome
Only a fool pleases being victim

We fear for life and wait for pain
And you want us to practice restrain

But even today we are only with words
Reason and justification no one knows

The enemy is small and so tiny
But we are searching for road to victory

Entered in another year looking for justice
Tolerance and peace is our so called practice

Life goes on with nursing of wound
Seeking the justice we may never found

copyrights Rakesh Kumar Nov 2009

26/11 Heroes

This poem is about NSG commandos who sacrificed their life in 26/11 operation..

Your job is to serve our survival
But no one can say this cause is final

You are standing for us to kill or die
Next moment you may not survive

To perpetrate the ultimate traitor
You chosen to become a gunner

Your family at your home waits
But you go to the place you must vacate

You killed being part of this profession
To achieve glory of your ultimate bastion

Its who you are and what you do
With tears in our eyes we all say adieu

A nation hope rest with your courage
We suffered our deepest loss in the carnage

You are the only source to our pride
Across the darkness that looms deep and wide

copyright Rakesh Kumar, Nov 2009

Just another day...

Today was my birthday(Happy B'day to me) and it felt it like just another day. Just normal routine nothing else..

One day and I passed one more year in life
I feel lived enough but still without wife

Many Days, Month, Years passed in life
I don't know how I have survived

Many road I travelled were narrow alone
I walked joyfully and reached many milestone

Sometime thing were good, bad and ugly
One thing never changed that I was lonely

Sometime I was weak and sometime I was strong
I was wondering if this was the place where I belong

Sometime I lossed and sometime I won
So many beautiful occasion I thought were gone

Sometime I laughed and some time I cried
But I stood on my feet and decided to fight

Trying to reach on destination unknown
I looked back and found myself alone

Sometime I was crushed and pushed to corner
But I never stopped looking for answer

Many lesson learnt from my toughest journey
Always I faced things in life bravely

copyright Rakesh Kumar nov 2009

Hungry Children...

This poem I wrote after I saw a news documentary on children in Bihar dying with hunger because of last year flood, They have lost their home, parent, family and now living as orphan in rehabilitation camps expose to risk of child trafficking.. Shame on us as civilized society.


Why did they were given birth
When we don't have their any worth..

Is this what they deserve
Their destiny has only twisted curve

What have they done as small child
They don't have even food to survive

Why can't we satisfy their hunger
Is their birth in the world a blunder

Don't we have food for those kids
Are they as slave put only for bids

Why life is so unfortunate and cruel for them
Once they were too someone eye's gem

Hunger will drive them into devils hand
Force them to do things legally banned

Who is answerable for their fate
When we cant make their life straight

Children are dying for food and hunger
Shame on society and shame on us

And we living in so called civilized society
Doing nothing standing as silent witness...

copyright Rakesh kumar Nov 2009

Two years gone by...

This poem I wrote as I am completing two year in my current job on thursday. This is refelction of things I am dealing with..


One more day and I am completing two years
Thinking about so many things still not clear

How two years passed I didn’t realize
A number of occasions I have been apprised

Many people came and left me in life hazes
They are gone forever but I remember their faces

Standing at a distance I saw them walking away without sound
People, places and project have changed when I look around

Few not kept promises and I am yet to reach my goal
They are keep coming back and burning me like coal

Not everything here looks gloom and dark
A number of occasions have been with spark

Few questions have started coming in mind
When should I stop and look at horizon or sky

Should I continue or now is the time to go
Number of things I gained results to zero

I have great fun and excitements here
Spread my wings and excelled without fear

The moment and people touched me were amazing
However progress has stopped and I caught with ageing

copyright Rakesh Kumar, Nov 2009

A Saturday....

I got up this Saturday morning to go gym, only to find some one has scratch my car body with some sharp metallic object.. on bonut and driver door . His act of hate will cost me 7-8 thousand bucks and the person who had done it, what had he got.. i don't know.. may be satisfaction of destroying something. one more layer of hate in his life to destroy something bigger.

Yesterday i was watching this movie The Mist and where one dialog i came across.
"Why do you think We have invented politics and religion" Why?????

Is there any answer why we have invented these things and why do wee need them.. try putting few people in a room and see what happens to them...

Your are completely filled with it.
But you will never call it quit...

Hate against life and hate against humanity
you have created stories to make yourself agree..

Hate against parent and hate against teacher
You are no different from a mean creature..

Hate against your job and hate against your boss
Don't you see your life in a complete chaos

Hate against god and hate against death
You are surviving on a poisonness breath

Hate against me and hate against my car
you are just slave sold in this bazaar

When will you realize you are in gutter
Keep on living false life of an actor

You have battered your heart but not feel pain
Life goes on and you don't know how to refrain

copyrights Rakesh Kumar oct 2009

Beggar at Roadside

Waiting in the car at a signal to turn green

I turned head at a knock on my window screen

A beggar was knocking at window standing roadside

I pretended to search few coins in car inside

Casually I tried to look at beggar face

Glimpse on his face revealed a surprising case

His face was covered with million lines

Seems as his destiny is lost and resigned

I could sense there ages old beauty

He was looking only few coin as courtesy

His eyes had mysterious touch of blue

How he has lived his life without any clue

His body was shivering and legs trembling

Like he was passing a million years aging

Not sure if he would see next day

Or soon death will snatch his life away

My mind was racing for some understanding

How as human we lost grip on such things

Did he ever cared what he want

Or only he knew what he had got

Youth seems meaningless to him

Deprived of everything, was it his sin

I was sitting comfortably under car roof

He has spent life on a coin, just as proof

© Rakesh kumar, Oct 2009

So Far...

Is there something lost
The crazy will has nothing got

Something has happened
Why I am feeling as abandoned

Its very hard to describe
When you have cried

Why should I not I think
When my eyes never blinks

What future has stored for me
When this place is not for me to be

Should I walk to the voyage unknown
Holding this fear I have grown.

My Past was holding me till now..
I was chained like a pet cow

Milked at every place and occasion
This was only my destination

© Rakesh Kumar

Candle of Hope

Burning candle of hope…
Fighting to survive
like a new born baby in mother hand…
Keeps on crying..
Waves of wind comes as death to kill
But it survives on its own wills
Will it give in the night light
Keep on living with this fight
Everyone is thinking making it victim of hope
But it Walks alone on the path of light..

For a lunch

I thought of giving my friend abhishek ride on my car and having lunch with him together.. So picked him and it was around 3pm I thought of having lunch at jalsa 15 km from abhishek place we went there and only to be disappointed agt t was closed because of 2nd October and there is nothing to eat…

We moved back though having at Punjabi tadka near innovative multiplex.. We went upstairs only to fin people had left early because of holiday.. In front of this there rooomali restaurant with a view we went there only to fond that buffet is closed and there was nothing to eat… we went downstairs to kabab and find to be locked while coming back we tried to have Punjabi restaurant near bellandur on service road only to find it closed finally we decided to come back to bhartiam close to my place and had satisfied our hunger by poori sabji, paw bhaji and chole bahture……

The Landmark Forum

I attended Landmark forum basic course and it was a eye opening experience. The kind of transformation breakthrough I had was amazing and my whole life in front of me like a picture.. It was really amazing stuff that happened to me and I thank my friend Abhishek for it.
The Landmark is different and more effective than any other course/ training I ever attended. I was able to see most amazing life experience and conversation happening before my eyes . I have already enrolled for advanced course and looking forward to attend it in this December this will also bring to end of year transformation that I declared in the beginning of the year.

Start where you stand

Start where you stand and never mind the past,
The past won't help you in beginning new,
If you have left it all behind at last
Why, that's enough, you're done with it, you're through;
This is another chapter in the book,
This is another race that you have planned,
Don't give the vanished days a backward look,
Start where you stand.
The world won't care about your old defeats
If you can start anew and win success,
The future is your time, and time is fleet
And there is much of work and strain and stress;
Forget the buried woes and dead despairs,
Here is a brand new trial right at hand,
The future is for him who does and dares,
Start where you stand.
Old failures will not halt, old triumphs aid,
To-day's the thing, to-morrow soon will be;
Get in the fight and face it unafraid,
And leave the past to ancient history;
What has been, has been; yesterday is dead
And by it you are neither blessed nor banned,
Take courage, man, be brave and drive ahead,
Start where you stand.

Time..

The river of time flows
Day and night two sides

Month, years walking alone,
Wasting precious life..

Rising hot and cruel sun,

Drying land, Killing hope and inspiration

Lets all come together

Bring down this cruel sun in deep sea
Never to let it to kill any hope again

Lets pull some clouds of affection,
Bring some drops of love and spirit
Quench the thirst of dying soul...

© Rakesh Kumar

AT hard rock café...

Yesterday we decided to visit hard rock cafe .
Hard rock cafe branches in Mumbai as well Delhi in India.. We got the seat and ordered platinum bloody marry my colleague ordered purple haze.. Drink was ok.. We ordered chicken wings which was dipped with sweet tomatoes sauce it was ok but not very exciting per my taste. The environment was excellent and few waitress were really very hot.. I did tried with southern rock was something mix of vodka with jack Daniel.. It looked that waitress had forgotten my order but I was determined to have it, so I enquired and it was served finally. We got really scared with chicken wings so we decided not to order anything we came back around mid night…..

At ESPN Zone

There are many popular bar and restaurant around inner harbor ESPN zone and hard rock cafe being one of them..
One day we decided to try ESPN zone… ESPN zone has two type of seating arrangement in side and also around harbor water.. It was weekday and there was not much crowd beside usual visiting tourist, we went inside but it was bit crowded with loud music also lot of gaming stuff both of kids and adult. So we decided to sit out near sea water the seating place was build on roof over sea water.. We order some draught beer which was more kind of their specialties there was not much food varieties available my other colleague ordered some sandwich we ordered some chips and I decided to have dinner at room...

At Philips...

It had been around one moth for me here and I still not happen to had authentic sea food at any restaurant here so I decided to spent weekend evening at one of widely famous sea restaurant near inner harbor Philips. Basically this is the chain of the sea food restaurant and well known ( not know to me, I was advised by colleagues) for sea foods only. We landed in the Saturday evening and after much thought and discussion what to try and not to try we ordered sea food platter which was supposed to contain fried sea food, what we got was tuna fish, shrimp, crab cake French fries and with some sauces. Taste was good and shrimp and fish were crispy with sangrita sips it was all great..

Independence day...

Exactly 5 weeks back I left my beloved land
To explore a alien continent, there was no one behind

No laughter of loved one or smile of closed one
No tears of separation or any emotional burden

With all those emotions Standing still
Before my last step to flight

I slipped before I put last step to ride
Like the ground beneath my feet cried..

Now I realized it was holding me calling me

To come back everything is here if you realize

I didn't notice and found in strange land
Searched comfort in stranger all around

Back at home the room was dark without light
But looking at horizon I always found moonlight

No rainbow in horizon with only artificial light
No longer I was able to put my words down..

Searching for few corner whom I call my own
I remebered mud walls of my village where I had grown

How could I put words , with no feeling inside
After hours trying I got up with deep sigh.

Dream faded away when cruel reality strike
On few occasion I was cut with sharp knife
My mother tongue was only language in which I cried....

© Rakesh Kumar aug 2009

All but crabs…

Friday after noon was summer picnic here at Baltimore office there was enough variety of food but most amazing among those was boiled crab… basically crab were full boiled and you have to break it with mallet to eat it.. You can use pepper and salt if want… they were served on table you pick them break and peel of their skeleton and eat slowly. it was a amazing experience… with beer. I must say it was most exciting among all the food experiences I had here till now…it was truly memorable.

Some numbers...

So statistic discovered by me.... no offence please

97.8% of time if a guy look in the eyes of some girls and if they found at least twice girt looking back they think that she is interested.. And they will discuss it 80% of time instantly with person sitting with them, 20% after coming out of restaurant. 1.2 % time they don’t notice.

73% of time a guy will forget any attractive girl seen in market in next 3 hours

In 2% of cases they will remember till next year.

72% of time you will find even below average looking girl in foreign county more attractive…

89% of time if you find some girl smiling during conversation she must playing around with you and you don’t deserve any value in her eyes or rest of 11% you must be funny…. Which is not true…

73% of people sitting while drinking 81% of time think of a girl at least 3-4 times during a drinking session.

97% of people don’t like beer when they taste it first time. And they are still drinking it today

70% of men will cry while watching a romantic movie..tears may not come out..

60% of time if you see checking baggage tag in person who has is not coming from airport must have travelled less than 3 time in last 6 yrs.

66% you fart but don’t accept the fact even some one talks( 18% of time unless you sitting with chadhi yaar) about it.

81% of time you will promise to your self not to drink again after a bad hangover next day..

74% of time you wish talking or lift to stop if you find a attractive girl in lift unless you are getting late for office.

87% of people will exercise more or run faster than usual if they found a girl running in side trade mill in gym.

96% of guys will find a girl more attractive and appreciate it if they find a unknown girl smoking or drinking.

84% of girl who is smoking , is more than usual attractive and beautiful…

93% girl will fall in love with a guy only when they know he is rich.. 7% time guys were able to pretend themselves rich..

77% people dont know abt HR in any organzation. all rule is set by their own boss.

98% HR dont know what role they have in any oragnization. other 2% don't know what they are doing.

91% people will feel same nervousness while buying condom as they feel at their first job interview.

The Care taker

The other day i was discussing some project stuff with my American colleague Pete.. I like interacting with him and listening him, his way of speaking is smooth always in same tone and pitch and even you don't know if he is talking something good, bad, he is criticizing something or praising someone no expression and listener has to be very careful not to miss any words..

So during that discussion Pete was mentioning about 3 Gods in Hindu mythology.. he knew about creator and destroyer. I explained him about Brahma- The creator, Vishnu- The care taker and Mahesh- The destroyer.. Pete took it in our work context and said "Hey guys we know about who is creator and who is destroyer here, so lets become ourselves as Caretaker....

Update from baltimore,...

One more week left for me here and i will be flying back to India next Saturday.. it has been exactly one month here.. and i had exciting time here.. visited lot of places .. had different kind of experience and lot of new learning.

The recent update is that i will be staying here till end of august.. day by day personally i am feeling lonely and and isolated. My colleague most of time is busy with net and about himself we hardly talk with each other... its better to enjoy in one's own company rather than being with someone and feel like stranger. I started doing my usual stuff and occupied with my own stuff like going to gym and playing pool in community hall. I have started interacting with other members in the community....

Burning….

Yes I am keep on growing,
Running, burning

But not without you...

Taking you like burden..

I am not tired of doing it.

Burning help me..
Makes me feel lighter day by day

The joy of burning…
You will never know….

© Rakesh Kumar

A dark night

On a road in a winter cold dark night
I was there abandoned , left alone and afraid

On this never ending road I sat and cried
I was thinking where to go or just die

I walked alone but deserted like no other
Did I hope you to be on my every twist and turn

Now Every day I passes alone
Nothing seem valuable that I own

Bending on my knees
Did not I try hard to pay this fees

For sure now I walk to solve this code
You will never realize and feel this pain..
There is nothing now you will gain

© Rakesh Kumar

A trip to New york city..

Came back from Newyork city on Sunday evening. We went by bus in early Saturday morning and the journey was comfortable 3 and half hours journey.. Landed in the heart of Manhattan near times square building. We had walk around road this is amazing city you see lot of people around and feels like Mumbai in way. This city never sleeps. I could see big branded malls and shop and lot of big jewelry and fashion shop around lot of people walking on the road touching your shoulder. I went Madam Tussuad. It was proud feeling to see Indian Gandhi Ji and Amitabh Bacchan statue there. I had photo session with lot of Hollywood actors.
In the evening I went New york city Skyride and top of Empire state building. The view of New york city in the night was amazing. And on the top of building I could sense clouds floating around. I went biggest mall Macy what it claims to be full of all the fashion stuff, Jewelry and watches.
In the night I went to restaurant and bar and had Geilndfieck scotch which was excellent but the food that lady served was bullshit with no taste and I had a difficult time finishing half boiled chicken.
Next morning I went o Statue of Liberty we took metro train took a cruise ride probably first time for me to statue of Liberty and Elis island… we cam back and checked out from hotel Walcott did some shopping and had lunch with Indian restaurant took the bus and came back to Baltimore..

An evening at Inner Harbor…

The apartment given to us is very close to inner harbor the historic port of Baltimore.. We happen to visit there and spent some time in the Friday evening . Baltimore has one of the busiest port on east coast and this port is of historic significance

So walked on there Friday evening the and we can see lot of tourist and people around us dressed in different attire. Closed to harbor there many more historic building and museum and Baltimore convention centre sensing the dress of the few people I guessed there must be cultural or art festival or some drama must be played. Any way we had walk though the harbor around 2-3 kms on far side of harbor our office is located and can see the light of tide point building. Around the harbor we can find many restaurant with both inside and outside view it great experience to seat in a restaurant sipping beer and view beautiful girls walking around… so we landed to a Irish restaurant Tir Nao Nong. We had some food and drink till midnight.. The few thing worth trying is Crab cake. After trying with various restaurant I realized that there different variety of crab cake one is appetitizer and other which a complete meal the appetiitizer suits to the Indian taste meal generally taste sweet as it serves with sauces and honey sometime which generally sweet in nature. We had few variety of beer and came back

In the land of opprtunities...

So finally landed in the land of opprtuinites... as people say USA. On friday evening...in my long career I had only one foreign trip this being second.. aI like visiting new places and I was kind of looking forward to visit this land. So due to my professional commitment this trip finally happened. after planning and rescheduling a number of times.. I finally got my ticket confirmed.

The early morning Bangalore flight landed at noon at Hithrow and after noon flight evening at BWI airport in evening time. Hithrow being the big airport with full of glamour The connecting flight to BWI started bit late however things were ok and beside lady at Bangalore airport had given separate seats for both of although I was travelling with a colleague..

Any way most of the time in flight i spent sleeping and drinking beside browsing on flight entertainment system. We landed on Baltimore airport around 7:30 local time We had already booked a cab and took a bus to Avis cab centre to collect the cab. We took the cab and had some problem in collecting the apartment key. which was located at some other location. And after 2 hours roaming with GPS to near by location we were able to locate exact address and and key. In this whole process we didn't not find any human being around and no one bother to ask any question what we were doing around mid night. We had been given automatic entry key for garage and parking entry. this time i had realize how this society is dependent on technolgies.

I got around 9 O' clock in the next morning. And decided to had a sneak of near by market and after 10 minutes walk my colleague realized that he had lost the car key. We came back and after hell lot of search on net we called locksmith after confirming with local Avis center at sherton hotel.. finally we got locksmith guy in our apartments and he took just 8-10 minute to get the new key prepared and for this he charged a whopping 363 dollars. I never had such costly walk in whole of my life. The whole day was wasted in fixing car key and that was enough for the fist day

Next morning we went DC we drove till Greenbelt and took metro to dc Smithsonian... we went National museum, White house and Lincoln memorial and and National Acqarium and other federal building near by. In the evening we went for dinner Indian restaurant and finally i had some good food after 3 days.. rest in next update....

Some technical...

There was a programmer from Rose
Whose objects just wouldn't dispose.

He'd play with his classes
Till he smoked up his beer glasses

He thought of using inheritance
But his imagination was not coherent

He tried other approaches but his work just blows
And now his hard drive light just glows.

He tried with object association
But he felt it like taking poison

He also tried with object composition
But this was not the right position

He thought about solution day and night
Unfortunately he lost temper and had fight

He created many small classes
And he also discussed with his bosses

He was sure about missing deadline
At end of time his designed was not basined.

Will it work He was not even sure
But his intention was pure

He sent design as it is for coding
This was the time when .net was blooming

Garbage collector was right there
Disposed the object without his care

copyirght rakesh kumar july 2009

If you...

If you smile at me not because to reduce your stress
But only to impress and you are depressed

Don’t smile at me.

If you come as a friend not because of my company
But only to advance you destiny

Don’t be my friend.

If you help me not because you are comfortable
But only for the sake of my pleasure

Don't help me.

If you thank me not because of gratitude
But only for the sake of social formality

Don't thank me.

If you give me not because of joy
But only because of your social obligation

Don’t give me.

If you feed me not because I am hungry
But only because your home is not empty

Don’t feed me.

If you sleep not because to get peace of mind
But only because its night.

Don’t sleep.

If you read not because to empower your intellect
But because to copy other's experience

Don’t read.

If you cry not because to make emotionally empty
But only to gain other's sympathy

Don’t cry.

If you respect me not because for what I know
But only because what I own

Don’t respect me.

If you teach me not because to liberate
But only to make me enslave

Don't teach me.

I you love me not because the way I exist
But only to make me change and twist

Don't love me.

© Rakesh Kumar

Silent Walls...

My parent left on last Monday morning after spending around two weeks and I had a great satisfying time with them beside enjoying food made by mother. I was able engage and spent quality time with them. Most of the time we were roaming around city and inside city, eating and shopping. We went to national park and innovative film city, iscon temple beside shopping in the malls around. I am feeling bad and a kind of sadness after they left.. Again same routine… my evening are more dull and boring again. It has been more than one week and I don’t feel like doing anything wasting my time browsing channel or net most of the time at room….

The Last Page

This is the last page I am going to write
I promise there won't be any lie

Words here are from the heart of mine
And there is nothing I expect to hide

Unable understand what does it mean
Once I was seeking answer but now not keen

I still remember her first smile
Along the way I lost myself for a while

I was simple honest and innocent
And i was waiting for the right moment

Now may be the star have resign
Only missing shadow was mine

I am the man searching for reasons
Standing alone on a nowhere junctions

We were stranger walking on a journey
Now I found my self standing lonely

Unsuspecting victim of desire
I walked alone on a thin wire

Now we walk on the path destined
My lonely path is without sunshine

© Rakesh Kumar

Until I say Goodbye...

She came yesterday and sat on my desk, first and last time. To invite me on her marriage and say goodbye, the final one. I already knew that she was getting married next month and I anticipated that he might leave this place. She invited me to her wedding and said today was her last day here as she was moving ouside India. I wished her gudluck, success and happiness in all her future endeavor. I told her that I would miss her smile around here. She was telling that she would miss my hindi shayris which I hardly shared with her, very few, though i wished i could had shared more. And she said she would be in touch through orkut etc. I shifted last Monday just next to her cubicle every day and we were passing almost 5-6 times across each other daily. We never spoke. Not a single word was said beside one fainted smile. I am not complaining even I could not walked across her cubicle to say just hello. When we were sitting around few step away and we could not speak few words with each other, how could we expect to be in touch when she she would be 7 seas away. Today there was a sense of emptiness around and dull silent. I hardly used to speak with her and had only occasional talk and few exchange of scrap I had with her I could count on my finger. There is nothing for me to feel sad If I start looking at past fact and searching reason but yet there is pinch of unspoken words that will never be said. The things I always wanted to share with her as friend and colleague. The feeling I used to have when I used to enter in cafeteria or when my eyes used to search her around. There is nothing and everything at the same time. The sense of emptiness created will take some time to fill. Any way I wish her all the happines and sucsess.

What Goes around, comes around

Looks like it has been long time since last i have written anything.yes it has been more than 2 weeks and although i was not very busy but yes i was more a bit kind of unsettle. Things moved fast at professional and personal front although nothing concrete to write about. Professionally i was busy and personally things were not easy fro me. one reason i could not write anything was that i formatted my laptop and almost 10days i was busy configuring it. On personal side i have few philosophical note to add. what goes around comes around. and life returns me things in the form which i cant not accept or when i don't expect it or when they have least value for me. looking back to past 15 days i have not made any significant value addition to my life frequently it was wastage of my time.

Finally my parent are here... I went station to pick them up and it was quite satisfying.

End of Temptation...

I agree that I gave it without any fight
And I am left with my loneliness tonight
But I will make sure it doesn't fade away
Even though there was nothing I had to say
And I was watching let it go this way
I am not asking why i don't deserve
But this feeling I will preserve
You can laugh and say I am crazy
But I will never wonder why
For me it was like fairy tale
It is broken but not for sale
Destiny has woven this pattern
So many things I had learnt
I am exploring only one at time
Even there is nothing left behind
I will stand once again and fight

Copyright Rakesh kumar May 2009

A small one...

From a Hindi couplet..

I won't say it a dream as one day it will be over
I won't say it a heart as one day it will be broken
But if i say life it will go forever till death.

Omega...

May be I was living a empty dream
But you won't understand what it mean

Every time all the doors were closed tight
And my path was dark without single light

You never cared why I had walked alone so long
And always thought there was something wrong

Today when I am down and completely broken
You are thinking I am heavily drunken

Now you expect my story has come to an end
But so many things I still have to append

May be now I have changed my mind
But its not easy to leave things behind.


Copyright Rakesh Kumar April 2009

Desuetude...

You say friendship is like onion..
But I don't agree with your opinion

You think its layers add taste to life
But you don't see under it hidden lies

When you will cut you will pay the price
At the end it will bring tears to your eyes

You say only friends, forever
I don't want to be my soul killer

You name this feeling a friendship
But one day truth will be on my lip

You dream dreams in sunlight
One day this feeling may die

Even though it had made me cried
But my emotions has been magnified

What if it last just for a moment
I will treasure it for rest of my life

I will say goodbye and walk away
You will not hear the word I had to say


Copyright Rakesh Kumar April 2009